Thursday, March 31, 2005

there is hope yet...

so, apparently my decision to live on caffiene and nicotine in order to get through the house was a good one. i'm actually making progress. john's putting up drywall in the bathroom and i'm tackling the dining room, which was fine, until the weekend when everything got dumped in there. we might make it yet...

of course it's 10:30 and i don't anticipate going to bed before midnight, and i have to get up at 5:30am at the very latest, which is of course where the caffiene and nicotine comes in. we'll see how well i do working on the super urgent cabinet submission tomorrow at work... ;)

oh, also, it may be worth noting that our house seems to have entered some kind of alternate dimension where the bedroom and the laundry room are the only sane and tidy rooms in the house.

the day that time stood still

don't worry, i'm not posting about nuclear bombing. i'm posting about something much less relevant to world politics, me.

today would appear to be my day that time stood still. not for any dastardly reasons. just because i seem to be stuck in some temporal anomaly where one minute lasts about 600 seconds instead of 60...

time is moving like dark molasses, but not as sweet, not as rich and it doesn't smell as good. it also doesn't hold any of the pleasant anticipation that is usually associated with the pouring of molasses.

well, okay, it's time, it doesn't have a smell or a taste or any kind of tactile anything, but bloody hell, can't it hurry up?!?!?

my current theory is that this has to do with my frantic state at all the shit i have to do with the house still, and john is working on friday night, saturday night and sunday night. basically i'm all in a tizzy.

and also, it would appear there is no point to this post, just an outlet for me to try and express my worries to stave off an anxiety attack. ;)

thank the gods for friends. jake's coming by for a bit on saturday, so is cameron, and camille, one of the most amazing people on the planet, who has already been by several times, is continuing her amazingness by coming by for a bit this weekend too. did i mention she's amazing?


everyday when i walk along elizabeth on my way to work there is the same van. on this van there is a bumper sticker. on the bumper sticker as some words. the words are:

"next time you think you're perfect try walking on water"

i have to say, this has triggered much mental churnings for me.

first, i have to wonder, is there anyone on earth who thinks their perfect? isn't the point of being human is to be flawed? in fact, generally, don't humans see more flaws in themselves than others do because they engage in intense self-scrutiny?

second, now, i am the first to admit i know next to nothing about the bible. i have no judeo-christian background knowledge other than that i have picked up in movies, books and the odd conversation with friends. i mean, sure, i can sing the noah's arc song ("the animals they came, they came in twosies, twosies. the animals, they came, they came in twosies twosies.") but that's just 'cause it's a song. okay, so, with that warning out of the way i will now get onto my main point. i thought the whole thing with jesus was that he wasn't perfect. i thought he was human and had failings like everyone else, and that is what made him so appealing. am i wrong? am i mixing up fact with stuff like the last temptation of christ? i don't know, i really seem to remember something about him not being perfect and that imperfection was kind of the point.

so, it is now to you kind readers, help out this poor young woman who is woefully ignorant in the ways of religion. the question i pose to you is this:


Wednesday, March 30, 2005

i love me some finnslippy!

okay, so alice had me laughing out loud, really loudly in fact, on this post.

my dirty little secret

I love drama.

Not the kind of drama you see in the theatre (although I love that too). Not the rehearsed and practised eloquent words flowing from the lips of characters played by actors who have been ‘living the part’ throughout rehearsals.

I mean, real life drama. Not the trite insignificant drama of ‘reality television’. The words hurled between people with no forethought and no planning, and certainly no eloquence.

I mean real real life drama. The trite insignificant drama of work. The power plays. The keepers of information, knowledge is power after all. The frantic last minute changes.

Today we were told that a deadline we had of September has now been moved to May. The resulting flurry of activity and gnashing of teeth was fascinating. Everyone reacted differently, but all seemed to be reacting with at least some modicum of panic. Personally, I don’t go in for panic so much, so it always astounds me when I am surrounded by it. Don’t get me wrong, I work with a bunch of really great people, they really are all fabulous, it’s just that each reacts to pressure differently.

But man, I love this stuff. The pressure, the expectations, the timelines, the feeling of importance. I think that’s the biggest part, for some completely unjustified reason I get this great feeling of self-importance when there is something like this going on. My chest puffs up and I strut around getting things done. I think it’s because suddenly you have a lot of power, people leap to do things for you. It doesn’t matter that it has absolutely nothing to do with who is asking for it, it is just that the timelines are tight, it feels like it’s because *you* asked. There is also that feeling in the back of your mind that they wouldn’t be asking you to do this if they didn’t think you could do it, if they didn’t value your work they wouldn’t have bothered coming to you on this.

So, that’s my dirty little secret, I love the drama, I love the pressure, I love the tight deadlines.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

thank the gods for friends and family

we have amazing friends and family.

several people pitched in and helped out on the weekend and we got tons done. a great big booming thank-you to camille, di, dave, jo and al.

without them we wouldn't have come anywhere near to where we are now. which is unfortunately still a long way from done. but more than half done i'd say.

i just re-did our to-do list. it is now 41 items long. but the big items (re-wiring, de-cluttering in the office, bedroom, laundry room and kitchen) are done, so those 5 items probably count for 5 or 10 individual items left on the list in terms of intensity and volume.

so, now, to do the next 41 things in the next 6 days...

oh, and total non-sequitor, but there is a very attractive seeming man walking outside (i can see him from my window, so we're talking from a distance here), he's got shoulder length hair, sunglasses, a suit and tie, and a very delicously confident swaggering walk. okay, that's all...

sun, sun, mr. golden sun, please shine down on me...

good god. is it possible. has spring sprung at last?

will i no longer have to thing of paul simon every time i walk to work and am slip sliding away?

no no, now i can think of raffi and cheerfully sing "sun, sun, mr. golden sun" in my head as i walk to work. this will of course make me think of the song "all i really need" and will have me singing "all i really need is a song in my hear, food in my belly, and looove in my family..." over and over and over again, because i love the song so much and it just makes me so damn happy and paints my face with a wide grin. although it really will only be those specific words, since they're all i can ever remember of the song.

i bet by the end of the day all the snow in our backyard will be gone. melted into oblivion. clearing the way for me to sit on my deck and sip cider while i listen to the chirping of the returning birds.

then all that is left is to wait for that final sign of spring, the pile of feathers, beak and claws left at the back door. oh, and that sack of weird grossness that is very squishy to step on.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

movin' along

decluttering is going well, don't you think?

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Friday, March 25, 2005

books books and more books

so, we're getting rid of a huge chunk of our books in this weekend's decluttering process.

if you are in guelph or know anyone in guelph who might be interested in books, email me at

we're keeping them in the side porch which is enclosed but unlocked, so even if we're not here they're available for rummaging through.

there's a range of stuff, fiction ranging from brainless sci-fi (and some not brainless sci-fi) to timothy findlay, some craft books, there will eventually be some cookbooks (haven't sorted the kitchen yet), philosophical type books and on and on. we apparently have very eclectic tastes.

anyway, they're in our porch until monday at which point they are going to find a new home.

so, yeah, if you are in guelph, or know anyone in guelph, spread the word, email me and i'll give you location details...

**UPDATE (to this really boring utilitarian post...)**
freecycle is amazing! i started out with 6 heaping boxes of books. i'm now down to 3 managable sized books. also, paddy's mum is also amazing. she is going to take anything we have left on monday (she's already gone through and picked out what she wants) and deal with them for us, which is sooooo nice. i hope she can take them to macondo and get lots of credit for books with them.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

i'm so hot...

well, apparently anyway.

i got hit on at the hardware store today. it was weird. not somewhere you expect to be hit on. especially not when you haven't showered, you're hair is gross enough that you considered wearing a hat to go out in public (i know, probably no one else would notice, but i did, and well, ew), you're not wearing make up (not that i normally do, but usually when i get hit on i am...) and you're wandering around a hardware store in a seemingly random way.

i kept running into the same guy in different parts of the store. at one point (in the plumbing department) he asked me if i was a plumber ('cause, apparently i give off that handywoman kind of vibe) and i said no. he asked me if i could tell if the new part in his hand was a match to the old part in his other hand. i said i didn't know. he said, oh well, it's nice to run into a beautiful woman in the store. i kind of laughed akwardly and said thanks. he then asked if i had a boyfriend. i said yes. he said (in a very disappointed voice) "that's too bad". i said something like "oh well, better luck next time" as i made a hasty retreat trying to find john.

it's not that i have a problem with being hit on, it's kind of fun and flattering, but it's the context. it weirded me out.

then as the day progressed i was flirted with by a waiter who initially seemed indifferent (no doubt just to boost a tip, but still), and i was checked out in a really obvious kind of way by some other guy as i was leaving the restaurant.

perhaps i need to reconsider this whole showering thing, because apparently i am *far* more appealing when unwashed...

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

and so it begins...

well folks, today is the day that the reality of us selling our house hits. today the bin is being delivered and dumped in our driveway so that we can throw crap out, including stuff like, old rotten drywall that we're replacing.

and today is the day we begin, today is the day we start to clear it all out.

thursday i am off work and will likely be out buying supplies.

friday camille is coming over and will help me go through stuff and get as much cleared away as possible.

saturday some friends are coming over to help (the more the merrier! if anyone out there in blogland wants to come help do some building /painting /wiring /decluttering /hanging of art/other various thing in return for good food, booze, company, music, and the opportunity to take away stuff we'll end up getting rid of, like say, bookcases, funky dishes, shelves, just as some examples - well, if that interests you at all then drop me a line, we can arrange something mutually beneficial *grin*) and hopefully the focus saturday will be the more construction type stuff, 'cause hopefully friday we'll make a good dent in the de-cluttering.

sunday, well, sunday is finishing up, and doing stuff like, painting the bathroom 'cause the drywall mud will hopefully be dry enough by then.

monday our agent is coming over and will point out the things we've missed, then monday night we'll address the things we missed.

then the rest of the week our agent brings a few other agents over, we price the place, and then we list on friday april 1st.

ambitious, no?

so, yeah, remember, if you want to come over and help out, please please do. and heck, if you don't know us yet, well, what a wonderful way to get to know someone... *grin*

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

troubles in blogland

anyone else having these problems with my blog?

"Every time I go to your blog, my IE freezes! I can't leave comments or even go to another page! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAArgh."

if you are then let me know (obviously by email...)

french lesson

okay, it wasn't so much a lesson as it was a realisation.

i can speak some reasonable french. i can get by in a conversation with a francophone. hell, i can even make the occasional lame joke in french (ferme ta gaulle vous dinde stupide! je sais ce que je fais!). but get me out of the realm of casual conversation and i'm buggered.

there is a woman who works in my office who is delightful. i enjoy her immensely. from time to time we sit and talk in french (she is a francophone) and i get a kick out of it not only because i love the language, but also because everytime i do it i realise, 'hey, look, i can speak a different language, that's bloody cool!'

not today.

today we spoke about the impending move. i know no real estate terms in french. i was stumbling every sentence. it sucked.

so, this was my lesson - megan's 'bar french' is just fine. megan's 'any other kind of french' sucks.

the things i wish i were...

okay, so, this is a quick entry to say, man oh man, i wish i could do that!

i love all my blog friends, i love a range of blogs, all for their own reasons. this entry is about a specific type, the literary 'they should have a novel so i can read them in bed' type.

i read some people's blogs and am enraptured by their writing. i wish i could write like that. i wish my blog was funny like that. i wish i wish i wish.

i read brandon's stories (i'll link all of these later, but for now, they're all blogrolled) and sigh in envy. i read lee's outrageous tales and giggle with delight. i read claypot and cring with horror as she recounts stories about bat legs stuck on pillows and think to myself, boy i'm glad we lived in a big house in lusaka when we lived in zambia. i read finslippy, and, well, good god, how can you not love finslippy?!? and petite, and dooce, and and and and...

*sigh* so much goodness. so so much.

i want to write like that. witty entertaining stories. that's what i want my blog to be.

and here's the rub, it could be... i am actually a reasonable writer, and a relatively funny person. but writing like that takes energy and concentration for me. i have to be deliberate about it (well, not always, but as a general rule you understand), and the truth? the truth is, i'm a lazy sod. i don't have the energy to figure out how to write about the mundane things in my life in delightlfully witty ways that make people feel like they wish i'd written a book 'cause they just know they'd love it.

not sure what the point of this post was. it's just something that floats around in my head sometimes.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

paralysed by excess

so, i have this thing. it's an emotional thing. (not to be confused with 'my thing' which is what my mum and i called masturbating when i was a kid, you know, it's important that i just do 'my thing' in my bedroom, and not, say, at nap time in kidergarden...)

this thing is that when stuff gets overwhelming i suddenly seem to lose the ability to act.

case in point.

we have so much stuff to do in the house right now to get it ready to list, mostly just decluttering, getting rid of stuff, things like that.

um. yeah. i seem to be completely unable to do anything. everyone keeps giving me suggestions and they're totally appreciated, but in truth end up not being particularily useful for me. i know what i need. i need someone to get me started. i need someone with me to pick up the first thing, and then i'm off, they can sit down at that point, it doesn't seem to matter, it's just the getting started.

yeah, i mean, what's up with that? ;)

okay, so this was a kind of pointless post, but i just wanted the angry bitter elsie wayne post to not be the first thing people were faced with when visiting the site...


yay! john and i sorted through clothes and got rid of a shite load of them yesterday.

baby steps... *grin*

Saturday, March 19, 2005

hands up all those who can't stand elsie wayne...

god, this woman, i don't know where to start.

so, how about i start with today at the conservative convention.

she was standing up rallying against abortion. after much searching, finally found the quote online instead of just hearing it on the radio...

"I do not believe that the majority of our people at this convention are in favour of killing babies," she said.

'cause, you know, that's how abortion works, you carry a pregnancy to term, have a baby, and then club it to death...

i don't care how you feel about abortion, we're all entitiled to our beliefs, but represent the beliefs in a clear realistic way. the words wayne chose are completely rediculous and inflamitory.

hey! i know what words mean!

okay, so i was taking a "The Commonly Confused Words Test" that i found through Nalo's blog (Nalo Hopkinson is a wicked writer, toronto-based, writes great science fiction, i highly reccomend her, geeze, i'm all about books in the last couple of weeks...)

i will admit, one of the questions made me giggle. when asked:

Speeding in your car is ___________.
a) risky
b) risque
c) either a or b
d) neither a nor b

i felt myself needing to know more before i answered. i mean, what else am i doing while speeding in my car? am i speeing in my car topless? well, then it would be both a and b. am i speeding in my car fully clothed, listening to black cabbage on the radio, and on an empty race track, well, then it would be neither. and really, the variations went on from there, things that were risky but not risque, things that were risque but not risky... hmmm. yeah. apparently i'm a big geek and might want to consider going out and getting a life, prefereably a risky risque life...

oh, and if anyone is curious, here are my results:

You scored 100% Beginner, 93% Intermediate, 93% Advanced, and 72% Expert!
You have an extremely good understanding of beginner, intermediate, and advanced level commonly confused English words, getting at least 75% of each of these three levels' questions correct. This is an exceptional score. Remember, these are commonly confused English words, which means most people don't use them properly. You got an extremely respectable score.

Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!

For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog:

better late than never...

so, i just found this blog through michelle.

it's called old horsetail snake. it's really great. unfortunately the most recent post is a farewell post. i guess i lag a bit behind... anyway, there are archives and stuff, this guy's a really really great writer, very funny. well worth checking it out.

Friday, March 18, 2005

grey skies are gonna clear up...

i have to say, since we've actually been getting a modicum of sun each day, i'm starting to feel much better. every year i vow to get a 'happy light', and every year i don't get around to it. next year i really should, 'cause if a couple days of sun can make this big a difference...

things are still hellishly stressful right now, trying to get stuff done with the house, commuting, still sort of settling into my job, feeling incredibly lonely (more on this in another post), but i just keep saying to myself, if i can just get through to the end of easter weekend then i'll be good.

you see, easter weekend is our big overhaul the house weekend. i get friday and monday off (one of the perks of being a civil servant) and i'm thinking of taking thursday as a vacation day. we're getting a bin (kind of like a dumpster) in our driveway for a week, from wednesday to wednesday. we'll be able to clear out a hell of a lot of crap. and then on saturday some friends are coming over to help us (feel free to join us, the more the merrier, as many hands as we can get, we're providing food, beer, wine and cider, and a damn fun party afterwards - these things are actually usually pretty fun) with some drywalling, re-wiring, painting, building, decluttering, putting up art, random stuff like that.

and then... *deep sigh* we list the house.

i'm having mixed feelings about this. i'm really kind of excited about moving to toronto, i'm excited about being close to my toronto friends, i'm excited about being able to do all the toronto stuff i always want to do but decide against it when i realise i have to spend an hour and a half on a bus or on the road at either end of it, i'm excited about meeting new people, i'm excited about all sorts of stuff. i'm also sad to be leaving my guelph friends, to be moving away from my brother who although i don't see much anymore i love dearly and really hold onto the idea that he is near by, i'm also very sad to be leaving the house. this was our first house, we bought it almost 5 years ago. when we bought it, it was a slum, we have done so much work on this house and put so much of our hearts and souls into the house, it really feels like ours, it really feels like our house, our home. and, it's a great house all around, but to be honest, what i'll miss the most is the backyard, the deck (build with the help of many friendly hands), the garden (planted with the help of many friendly hands), the huge tree (around loooong before us), and the nights on the deck drinking beer and laughing until the wee hours (also accomplished with the help of many friendly hands...)

oh well, excited or sad, mostly i just want to be out of limbo. i want all the stuff that needs to happen to the house in order to list to be done, i want the house listed, i want the house sold, i want a closing date, i want to have an apartment lined up.

geeze, for a post that started out about how i was feeling better. but i am. i'm still in hell, but it's only the 3rd level of hell, not the 7th.

i just have to keep chanting to myself "another week and a half, another week and a half, another week and a half..." hmmm. perhaps i should close my office door so they don't send me far far away...

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

we are all beautiful people

okay, so this is in response to paddy's post, which ironically enough is in response to someone else's post...

anyway, haloscan told me it was too long for comments so i thought that meant it might warrent it's only blog post.

i remember making the realisation once that i had only ever dated one guy who wasn't attractive (and that was grade 8, and even he wasn't bad at the time, but whoa, he's not lookin' good these days...) and that everyone else i have dated have been attractive.

i also realised that all my friends are really attractive people (yes, you, you out there, all you sexy sexy people!). i started to get really paranoid about it actually. started figuring that it meant i was some totally shallow person, someone who was trying to fool myself into believing that i was some open accepting person, when all the while i would only hang out with beautiful people.

then someone pointed out to me that they were/are all attractive to me because i like them so much. and there are people i dated that others really couldn't see why i thought they were attractive (i.e. jake) but that i was incredibly attracted to.

the thing is, i find that once i get to know someone, they physically look different than when i first saw them. this goes for hot people becoming not hot people, and homely people becoming comely people.

i have actually often thought this is one of those times i wish i could draw. i think that if i drew a picture of someone i first first met and hadn't talked to, and then got to know them and later drew another picture of them, the pictures would be different. it would be an interesting experiment. unfortunately the stick figures that i'm capable of drawing do not imbue quite enough personality, just not enough nuances in the lines... ;)

but yeah, come to a party at our house, look around and you'll see it's just a room full of hotties.

then there is that depressing theory that attractive people stick together. i prefer not to think about that, but it does seem to be a common sight walking down the street. attractive people seem to travel in packs.

okay, i need to go to bed, too much self-examination for one night...


so, i've been meaning to share the information on this for a while, but now i'm finally getting around to it. apparently there has been a fair bit of press about freecycle in the last little while so i guess i'm a little behind the times, but you know, better late than never.

freecycle is a kind of movement to keep crap out of landfills. you can post stuff you need on ther, or you can post stuff you have to offer up. the only rules are that it has to be an actual physical thing, and it has to be free.

so, i've been getting rid of lots of stuff through this, it's great, you offer it up, people come and pick it up. sooo great!

it's an international movement, just go to the website and find your area. if there isn't one in your area then you can just start one.

just wanted to share the wealth.

speaking of books...

another of my favourite books, well, several in fact, are the 'his dark materials' series by philip pullman. well, mr. pullman has won an award. yay for mr. pullman.

a side note to this, there is a picture of him with the article, and i have to say, he looks just like i would have imagined him looking, i love it when that happens.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

do as mother says...

so, i got an email from my mum today, this is what it said:

"So at lunch or on your way home go to a bookstore and buy The TimeTraveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. ISBN 0 099 46446 2 It's wonderful, I'm wrung out (in a good way) from reading it."

now, the last book that got this kind of a demand from my mum was memoirs of a geisha, which i adored, so i will indeed be heeding my mother's words and buying myself a copy of this book.

whiney-baby meg

whaaaaaaaa! my home email is down. i can't check my webmail. aaaaaaaaaaahhh!

no, i don't think this is an unhealthy dependance on email, what exactly do you mean by that statement?

the warm fuzzy people of toronto

so, i just had my first real taste of what people talk about happening in big cities.

i was walking to the elevator at work and my cell phone dropped out of my pocket.

a guy was ambling towards me, looked down at it, said "oops" and then walked around it and kept going.

i have never had something like that happen to me before. in all my previous experience of dropping things the person has stopped and bent down to pick up whatever i dropped (or, started do, i might have gotten to it first to pick up, but the gesture was there). in all my previous experience of being around someone when they drop something i have always bent down to pick it up.

maybe this is the facelessness of the big city people talk about.

or, maybe he was just a jerk.

yay lindsay!

my friend lindsay is running a 30km run on sunday.

i think this is the longest she's ever run.

the run is in hamilton, it's called "around the bay" and it's the oldest road race in north america.

so, on sunday morning while you're sleeping in, or brunching on french toast, enjoying that morning cup of coffee and looking outside at the rainy +3 degree weather, spare a though for lindsay. send her some positive vibes. help her arrive at the finish line "upright, happy and strong"

i love you linds, you're one hell of a woman, congratulations for doing this.

Monday, March 14, 2005

sappy movie lines

a while ago, in the comments section of snooze's now gone blog, i posted a bit of a diatribe about my loathing of the line "you complete me" from jerry mcguire. i thought maybe i should follow up on that for a second here.

basically, i hate the line "you complete me". i think i hate it so venemously because so many people love it so much and think it is so very romantic. i mean, the truth is, movies are full of stupid lines that make you skin crawl just a little bit, but i don't remember them. no, this one has stood out because i hate it so much and so many love it so much. people seem to think that this is some epitome of romance. i think it's some epitome of co-dependance. i love john, very much, with all my heart, i have spent 11 wonderful years with him and i wouldn't trade them in for the world. but he sure as hell doesn't complete me. i am complete all on my own thank-you-very-much! hey may enhance me, things are maybe better when he is around, we certainly compliment each other, but complete each other? not on your life! we are two whole human beings who have chosen to spend our time with each other, and we get a lot out of that, we learn from each other, we support each other, we snuggle with each other, but yeah, complete long before we started doing that stuff together.

this is coming up again right now because on the weekend i saw a clip with a line that i loved. a line that to me is sooooo much more meaningful, but i think people didn't latch onto it at all, no one said ohhhhhh, or ahhhhhhh. now, maybe it's because it was being delivered by a beleaguered looking jack nicholson instead of a hot tom cruise, but whatever the reason, it didn't get the same attention. the line? it's from as good as it gets when he says "you make me want to be a better man".

"you make me want to be a better man" -- see, am i way off base here? to me that sounds like a way more touching, way less creepy, thing to say. why aren't people going ga ga over that? i'm i really *that* different than the general populous?

Sunday, March 13, 2005

e-bay is your friend

have you become a vegetarian (or even a vegan), but you still crave that delicious sensation of eating the intestines of an animal?

well, have no fear, e-bay is here!

e-bay offers you the opportunity to still have the intestines you love, only vegetarian style...

just a tip o' the hat here, i found this through a blog called Who Would Buy That?

Saturday, March 12, 2005


so, i just learned about a new thing today. it's called parkour.

it's hard to describe, but it's bloody cool to look at. a lot of gymnastic type stuff and dance stuff mixed in there.

okay, since i wrote that i found a lovely description on a site of some young schmucks who have a parkour group and would appear to be quite offensive, but they have a cool history of the sport :

To many, parkour is an Extreme sport, to others a discipline more comparable to martial arts, to others an art form akin to dance, a way to encapsulate human ovement in its most beautiful form. Parkour also inspires freedom; being free in an urban environment designed to trap, not restricted by railings, staircases, even buildings. It is for many people a way of life.

here's a website much less assholian seeming PK people, in fact, they seem like some pretty cool kids.

an interesting article about PK here

and there is a movie i really want to see called Yamakasi by luc besson, which features parkour very heavily.

okay, i'm done now...

Friday, March 11, 2005

what words do you love?

for some reason i really love the word bum. i also really love bums. john has the best bum. such a nice bum.

yep. love the word bum.

commuting adventures

yesterday on my way in on the bus i woke up briefly in the middle of the bus ride and looked around me. it looked like someone had drugged the bus. EVERYONE was asleep except the driver. and not lightly asleep, konked out, head flopped, snoring alseep. i realised if we ended up with some rogue bus driver he could suddenly decide to drive us the thunder bay and we'd never be the wiser, we're completely at his mercy, and really, he seems like kind of a weird guy. maybe i should suggest we take turns keeping watch...

Thursday, March 10, 2005

to my guelph friends with cable...

can someone please tape CSI for me tonight? i don't actually watch the show, but wil weaton is in it playing a drug additct and that seems to make this episode worth watching for me. anyway, i'm out and won't be home in time to get it taping. so, specifically camille or teresa, if you could tape it for me much appreciated.

it's on at 9pm on CTV (channel 9 in guelph).

thanks guys!

(oh, and why didn't i email you? 'cause i don't have your home emails at work, just at home...)

finding my inner child

okay, a few of you have seen this already since in my desperation to blog even though i couldn't get into blogger i just emailed it around to some friends. anyway...

so, there is this super hot guy who works in the office here. um, yeah, super super hot.

i'm working on a project with him now. i'm managing a project for him in fact.

unfortunatly i turn into a stupid giggly school-girl whenever i'm around him and come off as a babbling idiot as i get distracted looking into his dreamy eyes.

sooo... i decided a way to counter this was to try and communicate through email. yeah, not so much. he replies with cryptic things like "yes and no, lets talk" and forces an in-person conversation.

i was talking to my friend yves about it and i was about to tell him a theory i had when he told me a theory he had, which turned out to be the same theory i had. our theory is that he sees that i turn into a 14 year old girl whenever i'm around him and he thinks it's funny (i think yves said cute, i'm voting for funny) and is deliberately playing it up a bit for entertainment value.

he keeps trying to entice me into his office when i walk past with things like 'i have treats today', and if i say no thanks he says 'well, they're here, just in case'. now, to be fair he does offer these treats to everyone, but you know, it's different with me. um. yeah. that's the ticket. it's different...

anyway, this morning i walked by his office and noticed out of the corner of my eye that he was watching me so i turned my head to smile and say hi. once i turned and looked at him, he winked at me. i nearly tripped.

i'm useless at this. there i was, stupid fluttery 14 year old again. with a huge grin on my face.

*sigh* he's SO hot. so so so hot. *drool*

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

i don't care about anything enough to set myself on fire...

i'm not sure if this was a protest or a badly planned escape plan, but either way it's pretty horrible.

i was in a meeting when it happened so luckily i didn't have to see anything. (my office window overlooks queen's park)

and yes, i'm sure there probably is something i would set myself on fire for, you know, like if i don't set myself on fire someone is going to kill john or some such thing. in a general real world kind of way, nope, nothing.

CBC changed their link, so if you clicked it before and go the farmer's protest, don't worry, i wasn't implying that it would be something to set yourself on fire over. the stories were linked before because of location.

more than just a laxative

it would appear that prunes actually kind of taste good...

i have been eating this really really delicious yogurt lately. it's a probiotic yogurt called activia by danone.

anyway, very tasty, but it's one of those things that you have to buy in a multi-pack of different flavours. one of the flavours is prune.

i will admit to you that the idea of prune yogurt was a bit off-putting and i was a bit nervous about how it might taste. it would appear that it's quite good. a bit like date squares (go figure).

it went well with my raw almonds. man i love raw almonds. what is it with raw almonds i like so much?

as you can tell i'm getting buckets of work done so far today... ;)

writing styles

this month's blogging for books (i'll link that later when i get home, don't have the link with me here and can't be bothered searching) is a very interesting one.

usually it's some 'tell us about when you were scared' or you know, that kind of thing. there's a topic and people write about it.

this week there is no topic. instead of a topic people are tasked with writing in the style of someone else.

i find this particularily facinating because when i'm really into a book, if i've been reading it a lot, i find my writing style shifts for a while and matches that of the author. i guess it's the literary version of picking up someone elses accent.

so, i think i might participate in this one, now, i just need a topic. ;)

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

i don't know why, i just love it...

okay, i don't know what it is about this, i think it's the look he give the camera when he says "i'm paintin' bootay" but i have to post this little movie. now, since we all seem to read the same blogs, you've likely already seen this, but IMHO it's worth checking out again.

let's hear it for knottyboy! oh, and if you haven't read it, then after you check out him painting bootay, check out the final product here, it's gorgeous.

okay, apparently i'm just having a knottyboy love-in for no apparent reason (well, except of course that he's lovable and has these fun little movies on his blog)

it's unpleasantly like being drunk

what's so unpleasant about being drunk?
ask a glass of water.*

so, i have a migrane, and it feels a bit like being drunk, only without any of the good bits. fuzzy vision. hard to focus. can't think. saying weird things that don't really make sense, but i'm saying them with authority so people seem to accept it until they walk away and then come back and say, "wait, what?"

drugs weren't doing anything. kate suggested i have coffee. it seems to be working. yay kate! (and no, it's not a caffeine withdrawl headache, i don't normally drink coffee, it's just that caffeine does something about expanding capilaries so your blood flow increases and, i don't know, apparently that makes you hurt less).

*sorry to all those who were getting excited and ready for a douglas adams themed post, it's just what was floating in my head is all, no exciting douglas adams news... hey, paddy, was it you that hated hitchhikers guide to the galaxy? i seem to remember having a friend who did...

happy international women's day

it's march 8th. you know what that means. international women's day. a day i embarassingly often forget. today though, today i'm going to remember.

some history for those who are interested, from this site in the about section:

Around the world, International Women's Day (IWD) marks a celebration of the economic, social, cultural and political achievements for women. The first IWD was held on 19 March 1911 in Germany, Austria, Denmark and further European countries. German women selected this date because in 1848 the Prussian king had promised the vote for women. Subsequently over one million leaflets calling for action on the right to vote were distributed throughout Germany before IWD in 1911. Now IWD is always celebrated on 8 March and is an occasion marked by women's groups around the world. This date is also commemorated at the United Nations and is designated in many countries as a national holiday. Women in every country, often divided by ethnic, linguistic, cultural, economic and political differences, come together to celebrate this important date that represents equality, justice, peace and development.

so, i will now also sheepishly admit, i had NO idea it's been going on for that long, no idea at all.

anyway, happy international women's day everyone!

Monday, March 07, 2005

Looking for a family doctor and a therapist in Toronto

hey folks, looking for your help.

i'm trying to find out how to find a family doctor in toronto, a good family doctor...

i'm also trying to find out if anyone knows any good therapists or psychiatrists in toronto (it's been my experience that word of mouth is the best for finding these types of folks).

can you leave me a message in comments or email me at if you have a name you'd be willing to share?


isn't that a fish!?!

i'm floundering.

i don't know what's going on.

probably part of it is pms. part of it is that i'm sleepy. part of it is the dreary grey day. part of it is just the general underlying stress that seems to be so much a part of my life these days.

whatever it is, it sucks.

i can't seem to work, i'm having one of those counting the minutes until i can leave days. there are a lot of minutes left. although i'm thinking of leaving at 4 today.

i'm having one of those days where i can't seem to do any work. instead i spend an hour staring at a page and not absorbing anything. all of this despite the fact that i'm loving my work right now and have some cool projects on the go.

my motivation is non-existant right now. shit. maybe i am depressed. i'm certainly falling into the don't want to bother getting out of bed category. damn i hate winter. hate it hate it hate it.

oh, wait. right. pms. i have to keep reminding myself that pms comes with getting my period (which i have right now, because this kind of day would not be complete without bleeding and aching and the occasional intense pain) okay, so i won't make any assumptions about being depressed while i have my period. when i was on the pill i used to basically get brutally depressed one week a month. that seems to have disipated a bit since i've been off, but you know, there are always blips.

having said all that, i'm excited by the apartments i'm finding online in my toronto apartment search. i also found a house i really really want to buy. i need to stop looking at houses until we're in any kind of position to buy one....

oh, and here's an exciting thing, i might need to find some more art! we need to art up the office and the bedroom. that's sooo exciting for me. i'm actually thinking though that since we have no money what i might end up doing is just framing some of our own photographs, which, you know, is cool, but it's been sooooo long since i've bought some new art because the walls were so covered with original art already. art other people make is WAY more exciting than art i make.

okay, see, that cheered me up a bit, maybe i need to give myself an art project...

incongruous sights

every day i walk from the bus station to my office, and i walk down elizabeth street to do it, this is a bit of a hospital row...

well, today i saw a woman in a car looking at an ultrasound and holding her hand on her belly. that's a pretty normal, and kind of nice (assuming all is well) sight. the thing that seemed so incongruous for me was that she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

i don't know, i mean, although it still baffles me, i guess if you're not going to bother protecting yourself in a car, whatever, your problem. but, um, well, don't people tend to do stuff to protect their baby when their pregnant? you know, not smoking, or drinking, cut down on caffiene, stop shooting heroine, you know, stuff like that. wouldn't you think they'd also, oh, i don't know, take the second and a half it takes to put on their seatbelt?!?

Sunday, March 06, 2005

for those who know yves...

so, today i met yves' older brother eric.

eric is a good 3 inches taller than yves.

oh, and they look eerily alike and sound just the same as each other.

it was an interesting (but delightful) experience.

sucker for sequels

i don't know why this is floating around in my head right now, but man, i wish they'd make a sequel to tank girl. i mean, they even introduced the character sub girl (the weird woman who had the statue of the 'ripper' that the little girl made instead of a doris day bust).

i love that movie. nothing like seeing a sexy woman run around blowing things up and beating people up. okay, truth be told, that doesn't describe the movie at all, that more describes tomb raider, except that i think tank girl is WAY sexier than laura croft, 'cause she's, well, you know, interesting. the movie is filled with amazing music and every once in a while there is some stunning shot that you just gape at the beauty of (the 'shower' scene comes to mind). but it's not just the woman beating people up, it's the woman beating people up, and a song and dance number in the middle of the movie. it's that kind of thing that gets me. god, i love that movie. i think i'm going to have to watch it again soon.

yep, my two favourite movies, tank girl and lilies. they are *very* different movies. but i highly reccomend them both.

Friday, March 04, 2005

the scent of a man

it's a well established thing that scent memory and the power of scent is very very strong. i have always been a big believer in both aspects of this particular phenomenon. i bring you an example of each:

in grade 8 for the first half of the year i had a language arts teacher who i adored. i don't actually remember her name, but she retired half-way through the year (which seems odd to me) and i remember crying when she did. i also remember being so excited to see her at our grad. now, she was a nice lady, but i'm not sure she was so spectacular that i would normally have become so attached so quickly. finally at my grad when i saw her and clung to her for the first time in a few months i realised she wore the same perfume as my great grandmother (i know most people don't know their great grandparents so well, but she lived until i was in university), a woman i cared deeply about and felt a great deal of trust and comfort around. somehow the fact that mrs anderson (i think that's her name, it just popped into my head now) wore that same perfume made me open myself to her much more quickly than i would have otherwise, and i was able to discover the wonderful person that she was.

and now for a more viceral example. i know a lot of people don't like perfume and cologne. i don't like them at work, but there are times i love them. i'm thinking particularly of cologne right now. if we assume that colognes are meant to attract women and excite their desire, then i gotta say, there are colognes that sure as hell do that for me. today was an example, the bus driver was wearing something delightful and i was sitting a couple seats behind so every once in a while i would catch a wiff of whatever it was. i spent the whole bus ride wanting to go up and nuzzle his neck and breath deeply.

there are a few colognes that do this to me. unfortunatly i have no idea which ones they may be, since it's never seemed appropriate to approach a stranger on the street and say "excuse me sir, what is that delightful scent you are wearing? i would like to know because it makes me want to be 'taken' (note suggestive eyebrow wiggle) by you right here on young street..." it just doesn't seem like the kind of thing that most people would take in stride.

i do have one clue though, one of the scents that makes me "cream my jeans when (s)he comes my way..." is something often worn by gay men (seems like some cruel turn of fate to me...). oh, and one is the cologne that rich gale used to wear in high school. *grin*

so, there you go, a post about my great grandmother, and a post about smells that turn me on, all in one entry. perhaps in honour of that combination, and to fullfil dickey's request for a dirty joke, i will share with you one of my great grandmother's favourite jokes (well, one that she deemed okay to tell her great granddaughter, i suspect she knew many more off colour ones she didn't tell me).

what are the three main parts of a wood stove?
lifter, leg and poker.

(hmmm, okay, this works better when said out loud, it ends up being "lift 'er leg and poke 'er!", a joke that is sooo scandalous and soooo funny when you're 12)

Thursday, March 03, 2005

tieing up loose ends...

nope, this won't be a post about bondage play, sorry to disappoint...

it will however wrap up a couple things i've been posting about lately.

first, i'm feeling much better today, not feeling depressed at all, the horrible day, don't know what that was, today though, the sun is shining bright and i'm feeling just as bright.

second, the michael mystery is solved, we said hi last night (well, he said hi to me) which prompted me to finally email and find out what is going on. for those who guessed rehearsal, you win the big prize, even though i knew the kramdens were still a guelph based band there was something in the overheard cell phone conversation that made me think that it wasn't rehearsals, but i was wrong, and many of you were right.

third, if anyone hears of nice and reasonably priced apartments in toronto keep us in mind. we need to be able to have cats in the building and would prefer something with a balcony or some kind of outside space. maybe my mum's old apartment from the early 90s would be available, it was a STUNNING apartment. *drool*

okay, just figured it was time for an update...

the counter proposal has been accepted!!!!!

YAY! john said yes! we're gonna sell the house and rent in TO.

so, with any luck we'll be moving into an apartment in the big smoke (probably in the gaybourhood) this summer.

oops, i saved this as a draft instead of posting it. doo dee doo dee doo...

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

things i see that make me happy...

today i started out the day in a most delightful way.

i went to the bathroom in the bus station.

oh, sorry, right, no, that wasn't the delightful bit, although it was surprisingly undisgusting (look ma! i made up a word!).

while sitting on the toilet merrily peeing away i looked up at the stall door.

carved into the stall door was various graffitti, pretty abortive and unoriginal mostly. a hell of a lot of "MM + JB = true love", of course surrounded by the oh so important heart, so that we, the captive audience, know that when they say true love, they aren't fooling around, i mean, look at that, they took the time to draw a heart around it!

nestled amoungst all these algebra love equations, i spied this little gem:

"suzy + big tub of cookie dough ice cream and dvd's of sex in the city seasons 1-6 = true love"

so, as i peed, alone in the stall, i laughed out loud.

i also really wished there was a way to tip suzy, or congratulate her, or just tell her that she kicks my ass. and also, you know, just thank her for such an excellent start to my day.

so, who knows, maybe suzy reads this blog (anything can happen, pirate was reading dickey's blog, right?) and she will see her words in interweb fame.

oh, and yes, this is another toilet post, i guess it had just been too long, i was losing my status as a toilet blog. ;)

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

stupid things i do

so, tonight i dropped john off at rehearsal.

as i was driving away from the school i noticed his phone in the car.

i thought that i should see if he wants it while i was still close by.

i picked up my cell phone and was about to dial his cell number, you know, to see if he wanted me to come drop it off. i then noticed quite how futile that would be and proceeded to blush profusely, while sitting alone in the car. and now, now i share this stupid moment with all of you in blog land, because it was not enough for me to experience it privately in the car.

at least i didn't actually dial it, then answer his phone with a confused "hello?"

counter proposal

so, i have a counter proposal for john's proposal of not selling for a year that encompasses all his points about not selling/buying until next year.

it involves still not buying until next year, but selling this year and getting an apartment until then.

i have been doing a bit of searching around for one bedroom apartments and have found that you can get a reasonable one bedroom apartment for in around $900 a month in toronto. and you don't have to pay property taxes or maintinance or gas bills on top of that. at most you have to pay hydro. so way cheaper than having a house, even our house right now in guelph. so we could still be saving money, only instead of going as equity into our house it would be going into some kind of investments. when you add onto that saving the buckets of money i spend on commuting and that john will soon enough be spending on commuting, well, bob's your uncle!

plus it would get us to toronto and let us look for a house here at a more leisurly pace.

so, i'm presenting the proposal to him tonight and crossing my fingers.

unfortunately it doesn't address the *I HATE CHANGE* statement echoing and bouncing around in the back of john's proposal. it still involves change, it means he doesn't get to just stick with the status quo.

we'll see how it goes.


wow. i feel like shit today. not physically (although i do have a very painful blister that i must say isn't helping my mood any), just emotionally.

apparently yesterday's big long post was a prelude to my mood today.

i'm wiped. exhausted. finished. i just wanna take a break. i have to say, i totally understand all those people who go away somewhere warm for a couple weeks in febuary or march. in truth, i don't think it needs to be somewhere warm, i think it just needs to be away from the normal routine. that's why we had reading week in february when we were in university.

anyway, today, today i feel depressed. i'm not, i mean, a bad day does not depression make, but if you have a history of depression a bad day where you feel depressed is terrifying because you become convinced that another breakdown is just around the corner and for those of you who haven't ever been depressed, it's horrible hell, i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

so, what, other than the grey weather, brings this on you ask?

my guess is it is the very obvious complete upheaval of my life.

the commuting is not as bad as i was worried it would be, but it's still not fun.

although my new job is AMAZING and i really love all the people, it's still a new job. doesn't matter how good the new job is, it's gonna be putting some stress on you.

and john and i had a talk about selling the house and stuff and he made some very convincing arguments around why we should keep it for another year and list next february, the two main ones being a) we'll be able to build more equity in our current place and b) he'll have a job by then (he's done school in april, yep, month and a half and he'll be a man with a degree, yay john!) so we'll have a clearer idea of what we can afford

so, it sounds good in theory. it means we have another summer at our house, which would be really nice, our house is wonderful in the summer, huge yard, great deck, gorgeous garden, the idea of spending another summer there is kind of a nice thought.

i agreed to it based on the promise that we will still get it in 'show-worthy' shape so that if we come across something amazing in toronto we can list our guelph home right away.

but truth be told? right now i just feel like i don't care what we move into, lets just get here and get it over with. lets get some little one bedroom condo for the same mortgage we have right now so we know we can carry it and just live with it for the next couple years and then move after that. there are soooo many reasons that's not a good idea. but man, i hate this feeling of being in limbo.

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