i have to say, since we've actually been getting a modicum of sun each day, i'm starting to feel much better. every year i vow to get a 'happy light', and every year i don't get around to it. next year i really should, 'cause if a couple days of sun can make this big a difference...
things are still hellishly stressful right now, trying to get stuff done with the house, commuting, still sort of settling into my job, feeling incredibly lonely (more on this in another post), but i just keep saying to myself, if i can just get through to the end of easter weekend then i'll be good.
you see, easter weekend is our big overhaul the house weekend. i get friday and monday off (one of the perks of being a civil servant) and i'm thinking of taking thursday as a vacation day. we're getting a bin (kind of like a dumpster) in our driveway for a week, from wednesday to wednesday. we'll be able to clear out a hell of a lot of crap. and then on saturday some friends are coming over to help us (feel free to join us, the more the merrier, as many hands as we can get, we're providing food, beer, wine and cider, and a damn fun party afterwards - these things are actually usually pretty fun) with some drywalling, re-wiring, painting, building, decluttering, putting up art, random stuff like that.
and then... *deep sigh* we list the house.
i'm having mixed feelings about this. i'm really kind of excited about moving to toronto, i'm excited about being close to my toronto friends, i'm excited about being able to do all the toronto stuff i always want to do but decide against it when i realise i have to spend an hour and a half on a bus or on the road at either end of it, i'm excited about meeting new people, i'm excited about all sorts of stuff. i'm also sad to be leaving my guelph friends, to be moving away from my brother who although i don't see much anymore i love dearly and really hold onto the idea that he is near by, i'm also very sad to be leaving the house. this was our first house, we bought it almost 5 years ago. when we bought it, it was a slum, we have done so much work on this house and put so much of our hearts and souls into the house, it really feels like ours, it really feels like our house, our home. and, it's a great house all around, but to be honest, what i'll miss the most is the backyard, the deck (build with the help of many friendly hands), the garden (planted with the help of many friendly hands), the huge tree (around loooong before us), and the nights on the deck drinking beer and laughing until the wee hours (also accomplished with the help of many friendly hands...)
oh well, excited or sad, mostly i just want to be out of limbo. i want all the stuff that needs to happen to the house in order to list to be done, i want the house listed, i want the house sold, i want a closing date, i want to have an apartment lined up.
geeze, for a post that started out about how i was feeling better. but i am. i'm still in hell, but it's only the 3rd level of hell, not the 7th.
i just have to keep chanting to myself "another week and a half, another week and a half, another week and a half..." hmmm. perhaps i should close my office door so they don't send me far far away...