Thursday, September 30, 2004


so, i have this friend who i've been friends with for probably, geeze, maybe it's only been 4 years... that seems much shorter than it's been, but i think it has been. maybe 5.

we hit it off right away. we met at work. both disenchanted with the whole corporate life and, well, i don't know, really it all started because he asked me if i'd read memoirs of a geisha, which at the time (and possibly still) was my favourite book ever in the world. i felt an immediate bond...

he lives in toronto and for the most part of our friendship, except for when we worked in the same office building, we see each other on a rather sporadic basis. we went for a bit where we were seeing each other every couple weeks, but i don't think that lasted longer than 6 months. he's one of these perpetually busy people. works late at work, does lots of volunteer work, spends lots of time with family, it all kind of leaves not a ton of time for friends. especially friends who are an hour drive away, so there is less room for the spontaneously saying "hey, lets get together in 10 minutes for a pint" kind of thing.

so, you may be wondering where this is going... well, here's the thing. Y is a really wonderful guy. he's someone i love dearly and with all my heart. he's someone that i have offered our spare bedroom to on a semi-permanent basis and who i think i would actually really love to live with.

but he's also someone who i talk to infrequently at best, and see even less. so sometimes he's a bit 'out of sight, out of mind'. that's not entirely true, i think about him a fair bit, but the more time we spend apart the easier it is to spend time apart. but the thing is, as soon as i talk to him it all floods back in. as soon as i talk to him i really really want to hang out. i really want to just sit and talk for hours. i really want to have him as a regular part of my life, see him a couple times a week, just have him more solidly in my life. i experienced this today when i called him at work. i didn't call for any reason, just hadn't talked to him in a long time and was missing him. here's the thing, as soon as i started talking to him i started aching to hang out with him. i think maybe this is why i don't like to talk on the phone so much anymore.

i have the same issue with other friends too. for instance, kate and dalai who you've seen post responses on this blog, both of whom i ache to have more in my life on a regular basis. of course, they both live in montreal. the result is that i email them, i messenger with kate, but i don't talk to them on the phone much.

i'm feeling like my friends are far flung. the people i love are in france, NYC, malaysia, montreal, toronto (which granted isn't that far flung, and in truth, lots of the people i love dearly are there), hamilton (also not far flung) and so on.

yeah, i guess there isn't much point to this post, just that i had somehow managed to suppress how much i adore having Y in my life, and today i went and phoned him, and now i'm aching for his company, but i know i won't get to see him for eons.

i have an idea, P, L, Y, C, M, D, dalai, kate -- i think you should all move to guelph. or, better yet, lets pool our resources and buy a mansion in the south of france and move there...

Up for a challenge

Time to challenge mainja...

I got this from breebop, who got it from here...

Now it's up to you...
Think of 3 pictures you'd like to see. Leave whatever you'd like to see in the comments. Things around my house, outside my house, on my person, whatever - something I can take a picture of easily. Once I have enough requests, I'll start posting them. If I can't, or won't, take a picture of something you've requested, I'll let you know.This sounds like fun, I hope people want to play. And you can do it on your blog, too! Nothing perverse, keep it clean. AND you don't have to know me or read the blog regularly to make a request. The more the merrier!

And now I've changed it so you don't have to be a blogger memeber to leave a comment, so you can just go for it.

let the games begin...

Monday, September 27, 2004

i'm not making this up...

tonight i watched a very good movie called "dummy".

so, i'm in here poking through my blogs i like to check up on (obessively) before i go to bed and john is in the living room, wait for it... practising his ventriloquism. yep, you read that right, my partner is in the other room trying to talk without moving his lips. and he's not doing it on his own, oh no, not at all. no, he's using the ventriloquism lessons on the special features of the dvd.

ahh, that man of mine. the man i adore. the man of my dreams. my true love. the man who makes it so that there is never a dull moment. ten and a half years later and i still love to laugh at him. er, with him. who am i kidding? at him...

Saturday, September 25, 2004


these are fabulous!

now, if i only had a child to put one on, oh, and were american. but other than those small details...

fuzzy headed fun

so, i'm still sick (i'm trying really hard not to just whine on the blog, but yeah, i've been sick since last thursday, so a week and a half or so) but today while talking to my new online friend c (who lives in the states, so conversation ened up on the topic) i was talking about dubya.

and even through my cold filled fuzzy head, i came up with what i thought was a pretty clever metaphor, ready? (now, i'll have to read this again when i'm not sick, just to make sure it's not like when you think you've come up with lots of clever ideas when you're smoking pot, only to have someone tell you what they were when you are not so impaired, and learn, no, actually, you were just being a dumbass...)

here goes...

george w. bush is like the annoying neighbour everyone dreads (in case there happens to be anyone reading this that i don't actually know, a quick reminder that i'm from canada my be useful here....).
he's the neighbour that spends all his money on his muscle car but lets his house fall apart.
he's the neighbour that has chunks of his house falling down but doesn't seem to care.
he's the neighbour who screams at his kids and his dog and you always wonder if maybe he hits them too.
he's the neighbour who doesn't seem to notice that there is anyone else around, so he runs the muscle car for hours spewing fumes that seep into your house and get so thick you think you might be sick.
he's the neighbour that you hope and pray and hope and pray will move out.
he's the neighbour that is making you consider leaving the neighbourhood because even though he's not in your house he's making it an unpleasant place to be, what with his noise and fumes and hatred.

have i mentioned i'm toying with the idea of moving to france?

Friday, September 24, 2004

Ever been to Paris?

so, we're going to paris for christmas and new years this year.

does anyone have any 'must do' things that we should check out?

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

the colnel's secret

so, as i was watching a commercial for KFC which talks about the "chicken capital USA" which reminds me of a kind of funny story.

so, colonel harland sanders used to live in mississauga, ontario. (perhaps the chicken capital USA is further north than people think)

anyway, he lived in mississauga when my mum was a teenager. she said she used to go to the movies and he'd be in line, and he'd look just like you picture him. white suit, black tie, big black glasses, i'm pretty sure he even had his walking stick.

i don't know, it's just such a funny image, the kentucky fried chicken colonel sanders standing in line waiting to buy a ticket to the early show, all decked out in what i think of as his 'costume'

anyway, just thought i'd share.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

poopidy poop poop

do you ever feel like you're never going to get a job again and you're going to end up in a cardboard box on some street somewhere? no? uh, yeah, me neither...

i just found out i didn't get the job i interviewed for on tuesday. i don't normally take it this hard, but i've done that job before, and done it very well. but i had an off interview day. and it sunk me. the manager even said that. he said if i'd given a stronger interview he probably could have offered it to me, which i think was supposed to make me feel better, but, um, yeah, not so much...

Sunday, September 19, 2004

i know i'm late but...

i'm going to talk about september 11th for a second.

i'm watching an interesting documentary on CBC Newsworld on the media coverage of September 11th called "as the towers fell". Acutally, I've seen this one before, it was on last year.

Anyway, it's an interesting look at the media (specifically television) coverage. They're talking about how they got bad information but everyone was so paniced it went on the air anyway.

anyway, one of the things they were talking about was how they were told that Bush was speaking live, they were given the time that he was going to be speaking life and hooked up to the feed. anyway, it was pre-recorded and there was something wrong with the sound, they had to "re-rack" (rewind and start it again), it was pretty embarassing, since it was so obviously not live.

anyway, it's an interesting thing, if you have a chance you may want to watch it.

AS THE TOWERS FELL: September 11th was the 3rd anniversary since the terrorist attack on the United States. The death and destruction, pain, sorrow and fear of that horrible day is well documented. But was it documented well? Moments after the first plane hit the world trade center, journalists in this country and around the world went to work trying to do just that. Trying to explain what had happened and why. Trying to separate fact from rumour. Here's what they had to say.

Friday, September 17, 2004

shaking my head in disgust

kate sent me this link to a horrible horrible story "democrats say they want our vote. why don't they want our children?"

dalai already linked to this, but just in case you don't read his blog i thought i'd include it too.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

i thought i was done for tonight but...

i just saw the trailer for the movie kinsey and i really want to see it. just thought i'd share that with you.

brunch talk

for those of you who know me this will come as no surprise, but...

a funny thing happened to me on sunday after brunch. my friends k. and d. were over for brunch on sunday and after we ate we played 'taboo'. for those who don't know what taboo is, it's basically that old game password where you have to guess what word your partner is trying to describe. taboo has a twist, there is a whole list of words you can't say...

so, k. was my partner and she was reading the card and as soon as the timer started she said "what you like to look at on the internet" and my immediate answer (and the correct one by the way) was "pornography".

we all laughed a great deal at just how easy that card was to get.

it brought two thoughts to mind for me...

first, how could "internet" not be one of the words that is 'taboo' on the card, it's just so obvious! maybe it's an older game or something.

second, man, am i that transparent?!?!?!?

a poop apiphany

so, i just noticed something. within the last week i have linked to two stories about poop. both from dooce.

not sure which part i find funnier, the fact that there were two posts about poop on her blog in the last week, or the fact that i felt the need to link to them...

a story about poop

i mean, really, how can one pass up a story about poop?

this is from the blog dooce which i must say is delightful.

it brings you such tidbits as:
“Have you brushed your teeth today?”
“Vote Kerry/Edwards! John Kerry 2004!”
“I think it’s important that this family vote for John Kerry.”
“I understand that. But —”
“— But what? It’s much more important that we vote for John Kerry than knowing whether or not I brushed my teeth today.”
“You haven’t brushed your teeth today, have you?”

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

made me laugh

this made me laugh out loud. you know, in that what the hell is wrong with people kind of way.

sorry dalai, i don't know how to do the trackback thing.

i'm talking about the:
Most confusing sign of the day: "If Jesus weren't a Jew, he'd be an American."

am i the only one who remembers?

quick question.

does anyone else remember the ad campaign for the national enquire with the tag line "enquiring minds want to know"?

i ask because it's something i say a fair bit and i have on several occasions had people say to me "minds? who else is asking?"

have i gone insane, did this ad campaign actually exist or is it one of those things that i dreamt so vividly that i think it's true?

taking a breather...

so, today i had a job interview. i don't know what it is about job interviews that are so terrifying for me. i mean, really, think about it, what's the worst that can happen? they don't offer me the job and i move on. but for some reason it terrifies me.

for instance... today the interview i had was for a job i have a very good shot at getting, it's a job i've already done and i have a very good relationship with the manager and the other person on the interview panel (yes, one of the joys of governement interviews is the omnipresent interview panel...) is somone who tents to root for me (so i've heard, although i must say, for the most part i wouldn't know that from her face to face contact of me, but i've heard from others who have sat on interview panels with her where i have been a candidate that she is a big fan of me.). and still, before the interview i was standing outside the room with my heart racing and of course, sweat pouring down my face.

i was actually thinking "gee, who needs the gym, i can get a cardio work out by doing interviews".

i realise that this is the same reaction some people get from public speaking, and again, what's the worst that can happen. but thankfully i don't experience that from public speaking (i have to present to all the managers at my division tomorrow and i'm not the least bit nervous), probably that comes from my background in theatre.

anyway, so, tonight i'm feeling very very relaxed. it's a nice treat. i've known this interview was coming and i think i've been worked up about it for about a week now. the relaxed feeling is remarkable. helped along of course by the amazing martini i had after dinner with a good friend tonight at a new posh club downtown (oh, and the cider i'm drinking right now, ahhhh, alcohol...)

so, i'm writing to say it's a great feeling. yay me! yay for feeling relaxed!

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

losing my mind?

so, i have an interview tomorrow for a job that i know i'll love, but is only 6 months. anyway, i'm trying to do the prep work for you (you know, get my stories for each qualification they list, prepare the presentation i've been asked to give, stuff like that) and i think, well, i think my brain has become mush as a result.

just to make things more interesting, i'm going to a call back for a show i'm in tonight. yep. i already know i'm in it, i was cast several months ago, but i'm going to the call backs so that the other parts i interact with can be read with me. of course, this is all smack in the middle of interview prep.

so, to top it off, i seem to have lost my rehersal schedule. oh, and in an odd twist, i would appear to be watching hockey, which, if you knew me, you'd know was pretty odd for me.

like i said, brain mush.

anyway, i should head to the call backs.

Sunday, September 12, 2004

a challenge?

so, tonight i had an absolutely wonderful dinner with a good friend of mine who i enjoy hanging out with a great deal and don't see nearly enough. we made spectacular food. mmmmmm.

anyway, she was telling me something interesting. she had decided she wants to start doing some creative writing and was struggling with it and has asked people to give her 'assignements', so they give a general theme or topic or setting or something, and a deadline (the all important deadline) and she writes something based on that.

so, i'm putting that challenge out to you, if you're interested, provide me with an assignemnt and i'll write a story on that and post it here on the blog. the idea intrigues me and i am interested in seeing where it would take me.

i don't know which i like better

these are both from dooce, i don't know if i like the guilty one better or the poop one better. both made me laugh though.

Friday, September 10, 2004

Bloody frickin' hilarious!

this is a clip from a show called skitHOUSE (it's an australian show, this took some big time research since the clip was just emailed to me unattributed, but i figure it's important to give credit where credit is due.)

the clip is a news report from iraq.

well worth a look.

sleepless in guelph (it loses something without the alliteration)

Wow. Look at the time. Hellishly late for me on a school night. (okay, it’s a work night, but I still call them school nights, sometimes I like living in the past…)

So, you may wonder why the hell I’m up this late, and why in god’s name am I writing an entry in my blog instead of trying to sleep. It’s a very good question, and I know I am wondering much the same thing.

I have a theory though. For some reason I haven’t been able to sleep for the last week or so. I’m surviving on a couple nights of sleep a night, and those couple hours are wracked with awful dreams. So, the short answer? I think I’m scared. I think I’m scared to go to bed. But I know I’m going to be a wreck at work tomorrow. And I have to talk to all the muckidy-mucks tomorrow too. “Executive Forum”, basically, all the highest paid people in our ministry in a room together. Maybe tomorrow will be a make up day…
But the whole afraid of sleep thing, it’s a little weird. Actually, a lot weird. Sleeping used to be how I dealt with stress. Seriously, when I say “used to be” I mean, up until a week ago… I can usually embrace change, but this one has kind of taken me by surprise. Oh well, perhaps this will pass.

Thursday, September 09, 2004


i just found this on someone's blog. it's a great idea, and there are some great posts linked from the contest page. a couple made me a bit weepy, but you know, weepy can be good...



so, i got my share from the farm (community shared agriculture) today.

one really cool thing about this is that there is food i would never buy at the supermarket. for instance, squash. acorn squash. now i have to figure out what to do with it, which is half the adventure. i've discovered that there is nothing like fresh picked produce. the stuff i get from the farm is picked that day and is soooooooo much better than anything i've ever bought in a supermarket.

oh, another thing i discovered through this are scapes. they're the top green bit of garlic that you cut off so that the bud grows instead of energy being put into flowering. they're lovely and kind of peppery and garlicy.

anyway, i'm searching around on the net for recipes, my favourite recipe place is

i felt like i had all sorts of deep profound stuff to right tonight, but apparently i'm just too tired, so all you're getting from me is this little thing about food and cooking. ;)

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

current struggles

so, i am sort of living my life in some strange place of anxiety these days. i'm fairly certain that has to do with the idea of not having a job soon. my contract ends in 6 weeks and they can't extend it, so i'm on the desperate job search.

here's what i know. looking for a job = full time job. looking for a job+trying to do your current bloody job = stress hell. looking for a job + trying to do your current job + running the stupid united way campaign in the thankless place that you work where they're not fighting hard enough to get funding to renew your contract because you committed to it and you would feel like a heel backing out = mainja on the brink of insanity

oh well. so it goes. all will be well someday, i know this. and for now, well, for now i just practice diversionary tactics. last night and tonight i sat in on auditions for a show i'm in because the director wants me to give her feedback on other potential cast memebers.

tomorrow evening i'm going to the farm to pick up food (ahhh, community shared agriculture, it's a warm fuzzy feeling and the best tasting produce you've ever had).

friday i'm spending it with my 'little sister' (from big brothers big sisters) who i haven't seen all summer 'cause she was in ottawa visiting her dad.

saturday i'm hopefully seeing a friend who i haven't talked to in a while who has a new job (she works for bob rae, i am SO jealous and really can't wait to find out how it's going).

and sunday i'm serving brunch to a newly wed couple, sitting on the deck, eating eggs florentine, sipping champagne and handing over their wedding present.

and then i can worry about monday when monday comes. perhaps i will collapse. ;)

that brings us to the end of our program and the begining of mainja's bedtime. night folks!


my blog won't post and i don't know what to do. okay, just venting frustrations. i mean, no one will see it since MY BLOG WON'T POST, but at least they're vented now. ;)

another tid bit

okay, so a last tidbit before i haul my sorry ass back to bed (can't sleep lately *sigh*).

this is a site with some very wonderful pictures in the "autoerotica" section. also, much enjoyed the video "i'm so pretty" *warning, this site contains naked people (i.e. rush there right away!)*

tip 'o the hat to paddy for this one, thanks darlin'


so, i obviously don't understand the trackback thing. the earlier post that i linked to something was something from seti about potential (though unlikely) messages from aliens as reported on my friend dalai's blog.

i also wanted to link to a post of his called "When commas go amissing" but it would seem that with his blog you can't link to a specific posting. Something to do with the template I suspect. or, perhaps even more likely, something to do with me and my technical ineptitude.

anyway, if you feel so inclined, check out his blog, it's far far more informative and socially relevant than mine. i'm apparently not so good at the socially relevant stuff. ;)

Monday, September 06, 2004

i remember now

in regards to my earlier post "i suspect"...

i have seen this movie. and although i haven't gotten to this part yet, i remember now that it ends up being a heart ripping movie. oh well, i guess i could use a good cry.

wow. i've written a lot today...

why are fabulous attituted taboo

oh, a request! ;)

the story behind "Fabulous Attitutdes Taboo".

As dalai suggested, it is an acronym. F.A.T.

I came up with it ages ago at a writing workshop. We were supposed to come up with acroynms and say what we would write about around them. I thought maybe I would write a book called

It was going to be about self-acceptance. About not worrying about being fat, looking past the body and into the person beyond. loving yourself and your body 'cause it's the only one you have and it does a hell of a lot for you and it deserves appreciation.

So that's where it all came from.

i suspect

i'm watching a movie that i suspect will be pretty terrible. it's called "a walk to remember" and i think it's just what i'm in the mood for. nice and brainless. actually, the begining is looking vaguely familliar, i think i may have seen it before. anyway, we shall see.

old friends...

i have friends that i've lost touch with that i would kind of like to reconnect with. i think. i don't know. i guess the truth is we drifted apart for a reason. anyway, the truth is i'd like to have some people back in my life, just to go to a movie someday or play euchre or something. Just casual. Just hang out. but i haven't looked that hard. i have to say, i'm a little nervous. there's the whole fear of rejection. i don't know, it's all so very complex. *grin* i have to say, i sometimes feel like i'm in high school again. career, what career? house, what house? responsibility, what responsibility? i'm 16, didn't you know. ;)

okay, truth is you couldn't pay me to be 16 again. but it would be nice to not have to worry about paying the mortgage, nice to not have to go to work, but yeah, 16, not so much.

labour day

So, it's Labour day (Labor day in the States I guess...) and I’ll be honest with you, I’ve never really seen this as much more than a day off, or as the dreaded last day before school starts.

I think some places take it far more seriously than others. For instance, I think there is a big parade in Hamilton, which is a steel town. I might be talking out my ass here, but I seem to remember hearing that somewhere.

But here’s the truth, it was long past high school before I had any idea what Labour day was about. The fact that it actually contains the word labour didn’t occur to me, it was just the name of something.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for a day off with pay. But I just wonder how many people have any idea what it is about. I know woefully little about it, no idea when it started, or really, what it is about. I do know that in Europe it’s at a completely different time, like November or something, and it is a much bigger deal there. Okay, I say Europe, but mostly, I mean France. I think it’s the case in other parts of Europe too, but I can only speak for France.

What’s the point of this post? Not really sure. I guess just to say, happy Labour day, have fun doing whatever you’re doing (me, I’m doing a while pile of nothing, it’s great!)

best ever

possibly the best blog ever.

this woman is an amazing writer.

i stumbled across the blog today and promptly spent 2hrs reading it. wonderful! very very funny. laugh out loud funny. yay for finslippy!

things i've seen around

so, as i troll through interweb land here are a couple things i've found that i have enjoyed, or at least thought "hey, yeah!" when i read them.

it's kerry's fault - an article from truthout (the title is tongue in cheek, just in case you don't know truthout)

very well written, very funny account of an encounter with a bug


Okay, I have recovered from the trauma of losing my whole post. ;) so it’s time to write again. This time I’ll start in a word processor though, and copy and past from here I think. ;)

So, my mum left on Thursday. I’m still recovering. It’s so heart wrenching when she leaves sometimes I wonder if it’s worth the visit. And yes, it absolutely is. I wouldn’t trade my time with my mum for anything.

Perhaps some background here…

My mum lives in the south of France. Has for the last 3 years or so. I live in the south of, well, Ontario. Doesn’t have quite the same allure somehow. I know that to some people having their mum (or dad) so far away is a dream come true, but my mum is most definitely my best friend in the world. I attribute some of this to not having lived with her as a teenager, since I am sure that would have caused strife and likely led to a rift in our relationship. However, lucky for us (and unlucky for my dad I guess) I lived with my dad as a teenager. So he had to put up with all the bullshit, and my mum and I hung out on weekends. My mother is a very wise woman. She’s smart and funny and caring. She’s also a no-bullshit woman. All things I admire. But what I love most about hanging out with her is how we laugh. We laugh uproariously, we laugh until it hurts, we laugh until tears pour down our face, we laugh until that little bit of urine escapes ‘cause you’re body can’t stand the pressure, then we laugh at the fact that we just ‘peed ourselves’. Laughter is the key to my relationship with my mother I think.

So, my mum came for a week. She left on Thursday. She’s back in France. I’m slowly recovering from her being gone. So, I should start posting again. Just thought I’d let you know where I was. *grin*

Saturday, September 04, 2004

been a while...


i had a big long post here, then highlighted it to copy it so that if it disappeared while i posted it i would have a copy, and it just suddenly disappeared. *poof* gone. vanished. oh well, now you get this short little post instead.

Thursday, September 02, 2004


the link on this should work now. and i still think this is neato.

the aliens among us

Wednesday, September 01, 2004


so, i'm watching the republican national convention.

it's an interesting thing to see.

i have to say, john mcain seems to be a good sane man, i can see why they're pushing him out in the spotlight.

everyone has these signs that say "let freedom reign". i fully admit that i am not an american, i have never lived in the states, i can't know this. but from my angle, from where i sit, this doesn't feel like a party that is about freedom. it seems to me that it takes away and/or blocks civil liberties. it just seems scary to me.

oh well, guess all i can say is, gee i'm glad i'm canadian...

Blogarama - The Blog Directory Listed on Blogwise Who Links Here