Monday, August 30, 2004


as i type i am sitting on my back deck. there is sunlight filtering through the trees. i am listening to ella. i'm sipping a cold beverage. and smoking the occasional cigarette (shhh, i know it's bad, but i enjoy it).

is there a more perfect way to spend a summer evening?

well, perhaps with friends. but sometimes it's the times alone i cherish the most.

birds chirping. dappled sunlight on the lawn. lush garden surrounding me.

this is my happy place.

i think sometimes i don't cherish the wonderful things in life enough. in too much of a rush to get things done to even notice the nice things around me. i think i need to do something about that. not sure what yet. but i think it's time i start making a concerted effort to "smell the roses" as they say.

maybe i'll make a list of the things i love. maybe when i'm feeling blue then i can turn to that list and not only make some kind of concious acknowledgment of the good things in my life, but choose one of those things to do. perk my spirits.

i find that when i'm in that kind of state i can't think of the things that i could do that would perk me up.

Saturday, August 28, 2004


hmmmm. so this is annoying. i just wrote a big long post, posted it, and it disappeared. perhaps this should teach me to compose offline and then post...

what does blogging bring?

so, i've been thinking lately about blogging. what is it about blogging that is so appealing? why do people read them? what to people want to read? do they want to find out about current events, like my friend dalai's blog, or are they looking for sexual insights such as those found on my favourite 'intimate' blog herdesires, or maybe they're looking for beautiful writing like the stuff i found at breebop, or maybe some touching moments like the one i found on politics and other catastrophes.

but here's the challenge. this blog doesn't really offer any of those things.

but then my question is, why am i blogging? am i blogging for me or for my audience? or are the two intrinsically linked. do i find joy from piquing someone's interest? i think in truth i do. it's exciting to see someone has read a post. it's exciting to think that someone might actually be interested enough to come back and read more.

i wonder if that's the same for everyone. i have to assume on some level it is, because otherwise, why choose the world wide web as your medium for recording thoughts. why not just a journal? or heck, even emails to friends.

yep. blogging is an interesting phenomenon, that's for sure.

if you're reading this, maybe you could tell me what you like about blogs, what makes you read them, and if you have your own, why do you write in one?

smiling eyes Posted by Hello

yum. i love a sexy mouth. Posted by Hello

low light and unsteady hands makes for blurry pictures... Posted by Hello

picture of me taking pictures... Posted by Hello

my mum, reading... Posted by Hello

yep. my shoes. Posted by Hello

okay, make that three... Posted by Hello

see, i told you... Posted by Hello

you always have to have a still life or two, right? Posted by Hello

been playing with cameras... the cat has been playing with a mouse... Posted by Hello

Friday, August 27, 2004

my mum

so, my mum is visiting. it's wicked. she lives in france and i miss her an insane amount. anyway, what it means is that i'm not posting on here, but what i think i will do is post some pictures, 'cause we're taking lots of pictures.

so, keep your eyes open for photographs i've taken.

hope everyone (if anyone is reading this...) has a really great week, see you after labour day.

Monday, August 23, 2004


so, i got my hair cut today. it's short again. a lot like the cut in the pic that is the 2nd post to this blog.

anyway, it looked really awesome when i came out of the salon, but now it just looks kind of like a boring haircut. for the first time i am actually feeling the 'it's too short' pain. i look in the mirror and i see my aunt merion. now, don't get me wrong, merion is a beautiful woman, for a 65+ yr old woman. i'm 28. i want funky hair.

now, it is funked up with some very orangeish copper and reddish violet highlights, along with dark brown, platnum and golden. yep, you counted right, that's 5. basically i just let my hairdresser go to town.

ah well, live and learn, right?

interesting words from a sub

so, as i poke around in blog world i am finding many different things. one is the diary of a sub. to specify in case there is anyone who doesn't know what i mean by that (although i'm sure you all do, being internet savvy folks) i'm talking about a submissive in a relationship with a "Master".

anyway, i'm facinated by this kind of stuff and would love to find out what is going on in her mind, what's she thinking, what does she want to do, how does she live her life, the whole bit. but here's the problem. she can't write worth shite. seriously. she's a terrible writer. apparently subject matter is not enough on it's own.

now, i don't mean i don't like her writing because it's not poetic or something like that. my writing is not poetic, it's certainly not literary, but i like to entertain myself with the idea that it's legible and comprehensible. sometimes my spelling sucks, but i have the basics down. and i know how to put a space between a period and the next letter and stuff like that.

i do write in all lower case which i realise drives some people crazy. i also switch between the canadian and US spelling at times, also driving people crazy no doubt. so i do know that there is probably someone out there who is equally frustrated with my type of writing, but i just thought i'd post and get it off my chest. *grin*

a touching post from another blog

check out this lovely post (well, not a happy ending, but really nice to read up until then) from Rainbowgrrrl.

post called un-married

Sunday, August 22, 2004

sunday blues

i don't know what it is about sundays, but they always get me down. okay, not always, but it is the day of the week i am more likely to be feeling blue than others.

so, i've decided to listen to some blues and type away.

i'm feeling relatively safe that no one is reading this again. i figure the replies on my first day were kind of a fluke, probably there is some list somewhere of most recent blogs and i popped up and people were curious about the new blog and checked it out.

what shall we explore tonight? perhaps my procrastination hell. why is it so hard to do stuff. why can't i just do it. i don't know. it's an odd thing. the example i'll give out here is cleaning the house. well, more than cleaning the house, getting it ready for my mum's visit.

time for some background... my mum lives in france, i like in canada. my mum is my best friend, and before she moved to france a couple years ago the longest i'd gone without seeing her was 6 weeks, and usually i saw her every second weekend or so, and we talked everyday. i haven't lived with my mother since i was about 11, but we have always been close. now she lives in the southwest of france and i'm lucky if i see her twice a year. so it's a really big deal that she's coming. it's only for a week, but i'm really really excited.

having said that, my house is a pit. still finishing a counter in the bathroom, refinishing the dining room table, want to get the front porch cleaned out, still need to clean out the room she'll be sleeping in, and so on and so on. well. today, i have done none of that. nothing. in fact, most of the day i spent in bed. now, part of this is due to the whole sunday blues thing. i'm feeling really almost depressed today for some unbeknownst reason and sleep seems to be the easiest escape from that kind of feeling. but more than that, i know i am avoiding getting the stuff i need to do done.

so where does that come from?

i mean, how hard is it to do some laundry? pretty bloody easy when the washer and dryer are even on the main floor of your house, yep, i don't even have to schlep into the basement. but still, i can't seem to do it. i seem to do nothing but avoid avoid avoid. maybe i'm lazy? i don't know, that sounds like a cop out. or, maybe that seems more like a symptom than the reason. i think this is something i need to think about a bit more.

anyway, on that note, perhaps i'll go do laundry...

Thursday, August 19, 2004

the oddities of people

so, tonight i was at a 'stagette' type thing. well, not the kind you normally think of, basically the bride to be and the bridesmaids and a couple other people went out for drinks mostly. this is the season of weddings after all...

anyway, an interesting observation. i have a friend (who organised this for the bride to be) who constantly talks about herself. don't get me wrong. she's a very lovely woman, she'd be there for me in a heartbeat if i ever needed her too. she's generally a good person. you want to like her. you want to want to spend time with her. but i have to say, the constant chatter that is all about her, all all all about her, it gets a little tired. i realise this is rich coming from someone who has a blog that is, well, all about me. but you choose to come here and read, and hopefully find it interesting or amusing, or at least something that you can enjoy mocking. i'm (i hope) not all about me in person.

the other thing is, she has limited stories and she just recycles them. over and over and over again. and they pretty much all revolve around how guys flock to her, how everyone thinks she should be a model and how other women are jealous of her.

so, why is this coming up right now? well, 'cause my other friend who i came home with pointed out an interesting thing. she said "i wonder if sally (not her real name, the names have been changed to protect the innocent) is really insecure."

do you ever have things happen where you think "doh, why didn't i think of that?!?" this was one of those moments for me. generally i'm pretty observant about human behaviour and the like, somehow i missed this one completely. but it makes perfect sense.

now, the interesting thing about this is, she (likely) does this 'cause she's insecure, but in truth, it kind of pushes people away. i know people who don't like her because of it. so my question is, what is it about humans that 'causes such counter productive behaviour?

Wednesday, August 18, 2004


things have been so crazy busy lately. i feel completely out of touch. i don't know whether i'm coming or going. i'm going to a stagette tomorrow night, a going away party the night after and a wedding the saturday after that. and my mum is arriving from france on wednesday and i have a bunch of stuff around the house that i'd like to get done.

so, here's my question. how do people deal with not having time to themselves? how do they process all the information they absorb over the day? how do they stay in a clear headspace?

i'm what you would call a "people person", but damn, if i don't have time alone i go batty. lately, i haven't so much had time alone.

not here just to complain though. i am very excited that my mum is coming to visit. i'm trying to think of things to do while she's here. we're having a spa day one day. maybe a trip into toronto and to a play or something another day. don't know what other kinds of day trips to go on and stuff. any suggestions?

i think maybe i need to use this blog as an excuse to start taking pictures again. i can post them for feedback maybe...

i don't know. still not sure what i'm using the blog for.

anyway, i guess those are my ramblings for tonight...

something else worth seeing

see, this is assuming people are reading this, but also worth seeing (also from the daily show) is:

clip about kerry

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

something worth seeing

okay, so i recently discovered the daily show with jon stewart. i know, i'm behind the times. but the wonderful thing is they have previous clips.

this one is an oldie, but a very very goodie... it's gov. bush vs. president bush. enjoy.

daily show - bush vs. bush



i'm finding it facinating that people are actually here already. i've been up and running for mere moments. i have to admit i worked on the assumption that no one would find my blog and i wouldn't have to worry about being articulate or coherent or original or any of that.

suddenly i feel pressure to do so. apparently not pressure to use capital letters, but pressure to perform nonetheless.

the trouble is, what do i talk about? what witty and interesting things should i be sharing with people?

i just find it interesting that this has suddenly gone from something that i was treating basically as a journal into something where i feel like maybe i should do things that would be interesting and pleasing to those who read it.

one quick glimps into why this might be... my degree is in theatre. being 'on' and performing, it's just part of what i do. i've been trained to do it. my current job has nothing to do with theatre, but still, it does involve a lot of session facilitation, teaching, stuff like that. it's all performance of one kind or another.

so does this all stem from a need to please?

i have a need to please so i went into theatre where my whole role is to please the audience, i went into other areas where i was on display (teaching courses, public speaking etc) where again my role was to please, and now, i am blogging, where suddenly i am perceiving my role as a pleasing one...

hmmmm. very interesting. it's a twisted little maze up in my psyche...

yep. me with short hair. Posted by Hello

My first post

So. Here I am. Putting in my first post. I guess the first thing to say is, if anyone happens to be reading this, bear with me for the first while as I figure out how this thing works...

I have decided to post this as a log of just general crap. Sort of a journal. An open to the public journal.

We'll see what happens. I may become bored very quickly and not actually write anything in here.

So yeah, for now, this is testing things out. Welcome to Fabulous Attitudes Taboo... (Maybe I'll change the name to "Stuck in the window of opportunity")

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