Tuesday, May 31, 2005

wakey wakey, shakey shakey

sooooooooooo tired.

can't. keep. eyelids. open.


Monday, May 30, 2005

i loves me some noone

i love my roommate so very very much.

he is wonderful.

he is someone who i adore.

he is someone who i am so very lucky to have in my life.

he is beautiful.

he is smart.

he is funny.

things are better when he's around.

just wanted to share...

wisedom is handy

so i got a forward from camille the other day. it was one of those joke zen teaching things, you know "the journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire" kind of thing.

there were a couple that stood out to me that were actually wise, even within the sarcasm, and so i'm going to post them. they are:

  • if you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
  • don't be irreplacable. if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
  • don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

and those my friends are words of wisdom from a random forward. amazing how truth can come from cheesy forwards.

no is in the air...

the french voted 'no' (well, 'non') on the question of the european constitution.

opseu members voted 'no' on the question of whether or not to accept the government's offer.

god help us if somehow they manage to get a referendum in quebec with the question "do you want to stay in canada" in the next little bit.

i'm telling you, no is in the air.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

the nerve!

be forewarned, this will be a boring post...

i have a profile on nerve.

i have met some very cool people through nerve.

i have also responded to ads and been ignored. which is fine, i can deal with that, it's to be expected, i'm pretty sure i've not responded to a couple that i've gotten.

but there is this one guy that has gotten under my skin for no apparent reason. from his ad he seems like a really cool guy, a really interesting person, someone i would love to have a pint with. i hemmed and hawed about whether or not to reply, not sure why, i just did. finally at much urging from paddy i replied to his ad. and lo and behold, he wrote back.


except... he wrote back once, i replied to that, then he didn't reply again. i then sent another reply (see what i mean, it's weird, normally i would have just washed my hands of the whole thing, but apparently every bone in my body wants me to become a weird stalker of this guy) saying: "you disappeared? damn portals, so bloody unpredictable. well, if it ever spits you back into the world of the here and now drop me a line. ;)" -- i should clarify here that what started our conversation was that on his ad in response to the 'what you'll find in my bedroom' field he wrote: "a multi-dimensional, interspacial vortex which allows me to travel to any time or place in the universe"

anyway, today i went on nerve and he was online and i fought my urge to initiate chat with him. but he didn't reply to my message.

seriously people, why the fuck do i care? i didn't really expect him to reply in the first place. and that in truth wouldn't have bothered me. but the fact that he replied in a way that did not imply that he didn't want to talk to me, in fact, he asked a question, which implies 'please reply'. now i am lamenting the loss of a friendship that never was. i am lamenting the loss of a potential friendship. i am lamenting the loss of an obviously not-meant-to-be friendship.

it's bugging me to no end.

i mean, really, i'm a very very cool person, people like me, he'd like me, he should at least email me back before he writes me off.

yep. realise none of this makes sense, none of it is rational, i shouldn't care about any of it. i know that. the fact that it's bugging me when it shouldn't, is actually the biggest part of what is bugging me about this whole situation.

what i'm trying to say is, i'm a weirdo.

okay, long boring post done, as you were...


okay, so, he wrote back. i know this is going to make it seem like i'm some psycho person and i just didn't give him time to write back, but my response to his response was two and a half weeks ago, and then he was online and didn't write, so i was understandably (in my estimation anyway) expecting that meant he wasn't going to write.

we are now exchanging pleasantries over nerve, you know, why am i moving to toronto, things like that.

sunday bloody sunday

i've managed to literally not step out of the apartment all weekend.

i'm vaguely considering going out and wandering a little bit this evening, but at the same time, i don't know, i'm in a strange space i guess.

what i really want to do is find some live music i think. ideally some blues. i could really go for some blues right now.

in reality i will stay home and read.

part of me doesn't want to go out because i don't want to sit in a bar alone. i think of the woman who was a hair of the dog, i think of the commentary on solitude it evoked in a friend, i think of how 'on display' she was. i don't want to be on display. i need emotional camouflage, i want to blend in, i want to observe without being observed.

cameron is making curry for dinner and it smells delicious, but it also smells like a curry my mum used to make quite often, it is making me pine for the past, pine for time with her. smells, do bloody powerful. always evoking emotion. always sparking memories.


i went out. it was lovely. met my friend bri for a pint at hair of the dog, which is my favourite bar in the world. life is good.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

for the torontonians out there

well folks, i have a weekend in the big smoke with no plans.

does anyone have any suggestions of things i should be checking out while i'm here?

i'm thinking i might go wander through kensington market, maybe get some empanadas. i was also thinking maybe i'd go to st. lawrence market, but then i realised i don't really have anything specific to get and i'm not sure i feel like just wandering there today.

oh oh oh, i have a question, who has good croisants? i have heard there are a couple really good french bakeries in town with excellent croissants and chocolatines, i'd be excited to find them.

maybe i'll walk over to what will be my new apartment and explore that neighbourhood a bit, except, well, i'm going to live there, i'll have all the time in the world to explore that.

it's nice out, maybe i should just find a park and sit down and read.

anyway, the point of the post is, what is your favourite thing to do on the weekend in toronto?

Friday, May 27, 2005


i noticed something today, in some cases the more visible someone tries to make themselves, the more invisible they become.

i was walking to work and on my way a man who looked a little rough around the edges (hadn't bathed or had a haircut or clean clothes in a long time, homeless in the most stereotypical of ways) started trying to talk to me. he did so by yelling really loudly, and rather incomprehensibly, and gesticulating wildly. the more he did to draw attention to himself, the more i blocked him out.

it was strange, and i have to say, i felt badly about it. i mean, if he's that desperate to be seen, it probably hurts him that much more when it seems like no one sees him. it's a brutal kind of cycle.

at the same time, there is something scary about it, i'm not sure what that might be, 'cause really, if you think about it, what is the danger there? i mean, considering it was 8:45am at bay and welleslyish, so it's not like i was in some secluded alley or something, it was safe. physically. but i'm not sure it's safe emotionally. and i'm not sure why.

i don't know, it's just all pretty facinating to me, i will continue to mull over this and if i have any brilliant revelations i'll get back to you. ;)

Thursday, May 26, 2005

apparently i make for a very tepid date...

i was supposed to have a hot date with cameron yesterday.

i would appear to be not a very hot date.

for dinner i made us salade nicoise and baked brie served with a multi-grain baguette and a concoction i made with rasperry jam, brandy and hot sauce. it was delicious. the baked brie was sooooooo good i could have had the whole wheel myself, bloody hell it was good. mmmmmm. the salad was tasty too.

cameron rented us team america and national treasure.

we started watching team america and about half way though i fell asleep (actually, rendered comatos, no doubt by the 4 drags of wacky tabaky i had)

i woke up at about midnight to find myself sleeping on the couch (which is also my bed, so it's handy really), still in my work clothes. the lights had been turned off and cameron had gone to bed.

that's right folks. i am the. worst. date. ever.

well, maybe not the worst, since i did make us tasty food (with cameron's help) before i fell asleep. oh, and i did bring him peanut butter cup ice cream which he loves with abandon.

but other than that, i am the. worst. date. ever. ( i feel like there should be super hero music playing as those words are announced to the viewing audience...)

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

lovin' that man o' mine...

got this in an email from john today (he's in france for a couple weeks helping my mum out with renovation stuff). There was a particularily lovely passage:

"It's a remarkably stress-free way of living. I get up, I work, I eat, read a bit,then go to bed. Other people take care of feeding me, giving me smokes and booze,and that's it. If it weren't for the lack of you, it'd be perfect. "

i don't know, i just got all oogly googly at the "if it weren't for the lack of you". i know it's weird that i need the confirmation 'cause it's kind of a given, but it's nice to know he's missing me.

and then i learned that it was good that i wasn't there when i read this bit (in response to my asking if the drains were fixed, 'cause they'd been broken and there was apparently no showering taking place):

"The drains were fixed, but then the hot water heater died - I managed to get one shower in before the hot water went away... It's a good thing I haven't really been in contact with anyone other than family and jonathan, because I'm dirty, smelly, unshaven, and pretty scruffy. You'd hate it. ;)"

i am not a fan of the scruffy...

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

depression, what fun!

i had pulled this down, now i'm putting it back up. i'm indicisive... i think basically i just didn't want it to be the first thing people saw when they came to the site. it detracted from the much more interesting entries, you know, like the one where i discover i would appear to be particularily attracted to south asian men...

so, for those of you who are long time readers you'll know that i have had my own personal battles with depression. for those of you who are not long time readers, well, all you really need to know is that i have had my own personal battles with depression. ;)

sometimes depression finds a way to rear it's ugly head again. now, technically it wouldn't be called a bout of depression, since for it to be a session of clinical depression it has to last more than 2 or 3 weeks or something like that. but it's just as accute, just as painful, just for a shorter period of time.

this weekend was one such time for me. i had a heart wrenching weekend, plunged in the depths of depression. that feeling of walking a dark cloud, the feeling of hopelessness, the feeling that everything was for naught, the contradictory feeling of being very lonely, and not wanting to be around anyone, the feeling of hopelessness, of helplessness. bleh. anyway, that is not the point of this particular post. i'm not going to explore the feeling of depressions dark tendrils wraping themselves around my brain, that is perhaps for another day. no, today is about reactions...

i was talking to a friend today about my weekend, about how horrible it was, and i started talking about the depression, about how it felt, i started crying. she cut me off, said "take it easy meg" and "but today is better, right?". honestly, i was a little hurt. i realise that it was probably just because i'd made her uncomfortable, and that's fine, i mean, i wasn't trying to, she's a dear friend and i thought we were at a point in our friendship where that kind of stuff would be okay. but i can respect that it made her feel uncomfortable, and had i known it would i wouldn't have said anything. but honestly? the things she said, and maybe the way she said them, they felt very dismissive. they felt like she was saying "come on, that was yesterday". it felt like she was saying "come on, buck up". it felt like shit. (i feel the need to point out here that i'm not angry with her, she doesn't know how it made me feel, and right now it's not worth the energy to discuss it, and she was doing this with the best of intentions, this in no way is meant to be a slam on her.)

i don't know my point here, i mean, if someone hasn't experienced depression i'm not sure there is any way for them to understand how hurtful stuff like that can be. it implies that it's just you being silly and that it's a simple thing to get out of it. which then makes you feel like it's just confirming your weakness and uslessness. if i could just snap out of it, man, i would be sooooo happy. i would love to snap out of it. i would love to not feel it. i would love to not be dragged into the depths.

bleh. sorry, this ended up being whinier than intended. basically, what i'm saying is, if a depressed person tells you their feeling depressed, don't dismiss it, you don't have to say anything in particular "man, that's shitty" often works well, you don't need to have an answer, but don't say things that imply that it will disolve if only you put your mind to it.

p.s. i'd just like to add that camille rocks my world. not only did she not say anything to exacerbate the situation, she came over and changed lightbulbs for me (ah, the joys of being short) and we (mostly she) mowed the lawn. then sat for a quick cig and she left me along again. it was perfect. she's amazing. thanks darlin'!

Monday, May 23, 2005

rather random rambunctious ramblings

in an attempt to write about something other than my weekend blue funk and the whole (unsuccessful) selling of the house thing, i decided to log onto cbc and find out what is might be worthy of writing a blog entry on.

first i was bombarded by star wars crap. so, i thought i'd give you a quick run down of me and my relationship to star wars. i have always enjoyed star wars, but only as cheesy sci fi. i love cheesy sci fi. i never saw the deeper meaning and allegorical yada yada yada, i saw, cheesy sci fi movie. so, i'll be honest here, i have enjoyed episodes 1 and 2 for exactly the same reason. cheesy sci fi. i'm sure that i'll enjoy episode 3 too, again, cheesy sci fi. but i have to admit, i'm pretty bloody sick of hearing about it everywhere i turn (ironic then that i happen to be perpetuating this by blogging about it, but, well, as dalai would say "i'm not hypocritical, i just have double standards") really, seriously people, ENOUGH!

then i move down on the page and notice (beside yet *another* star wars thingy, this time a quiz) a link to a story called "Vinyl Fantasy: a showcase of designer toys". well. that's more like it! as i rub my hands together with anticipatory glee i click the link. as i should have expected, since it is off the cbc site after all (not generally known for their showcasing of smut) it links to a story about toys. you know, little dolls. play things. things that have nothing to do with sex whatsoever. i'm not sure you should be able to combine the words vinyl, fantasy and toys and have it have NOTHING to do with sex. having said all this, the story is interesting and the pictures are pretty cool, so you might want to check it out.

as for the headline "'The Apprentice' to become a stage musical", honestly, i couldn't even bring myself to read that one...

there was lots more there i didn't read, like the commentary on the "Stronach-MacKay split" for instance, didn't bother with that one. really, i figure at this point it's hard enough for them, we don't have to be examining their relationship. i don't know, i guess you sign on for something different when you're in the public eye, but if my partner, the person i live with and share my life with, just left me, and also took up something i didn't believe in, well, i'm pretty sure having everyone and their dog discuss my relationship would be a hell of a lot like rubbing salt into the wound. even the story about mackay campaigning door to door in labrador (can they campaign before an election has been called? - my little update, it's a by-election, i guess it helps if i pay attention to all the details...) dragged he and stronach into it. i gotta say, there is a very big part of me that just wants to scream "LEAVE THEM THE FUCK ALONE!", oh, and shove the star wars quiz up your ass!

*whew* sorry. don't know what happened there. blacked out for a second. i didn't say anything embarrassing did i?

dickey: hope you and nursie are enjoying cancun, snooze: hope you're enjoying NYC, and if anyone else is travelling (i've been a bit remiss in my blog reading the past couple weeks...) hope you're having a grand old time.

night all!

Sunday, May 22, 2005

new discoveries

okay, so, apparently one of my 'types' would be south asian men.

the idea of finding one 'ethnic group' more attractive than another seems very foreign to me, makes me a bit uncomfortable, can't really explain why, i guess it just seems, um, i don't know, prejudice? i have certainly been attracted to south asian men before, just never thought about it, never figured it had anything to do with the fact they were south asian. and then we come to friday.

on the bus on the way from toronto to guelph we pass an islamic centre (Masjid Toronto), and on friday i took an early bus, the 3pm bus. well, it would appear that bus goes by just as something (i think from the website it is a prayer session) lets out.

we rounded the corner and the streets were filled with south asian men and my heart lept, i suddenly felt like i was in some kind of nirvana, SO many beautiful men, everywhere i turned. i'm surprised i didn't leap out of the bus right then and there. it was a wildly overwhelming feeling. and surprising. who know.

so, yeah, apparently i have something for south asian men. i guess it's the whole tall dark and handsome thing (although i could do without the tall personally, i like me some short men...) anyway, yeah, all i have to add at this point is: yum.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

hot lesbian sex

i just thought that was a more interesting title than "pms sucks".

hot lesbian sex would be much nicer than the emotional roller coaster i'm on right now. i'm weepy. i hate weepy. plus i'm being a big wimp about john being away, i have all sorts of stuff i could/should be doing, and all i'm doing is sitting at home missing him.

basically, today i'm a big loser. so, um, yeah, hot lesbian sex, go out and find yourself some hot lesbian sex, 'cause it will be a hell of a lot more interesting than me right now....

i'm trying to decide if going to a movie alone would depress me more, or nicely distract me.

i was going to write more, but perhaps i'll just sum it up for you... whine, whine, whine, whine, whine, whine, whine some more, a bit more whining, and some whining for good measure.

p.s. i stole the title "hot lesbian sex" from paddy from a million years (0kay, a couple months) ago.

Friday, May 20, 2005


so, today, the friday before a long weekend, the glorious sunny warm friday before a long weekend... our network drives are down.

we have no access to our files, they are not sure when it will be resolved, it's some issue with the server.

and then i got this email from a co-worker (I hasten to add at this point that our unit is all women, she sent it to the whole unit):

"Also, the toilets in the women's washroom are packing it in one by one. I can't think of a surer sign that we should NOT be here today."

i wanna go home!

Thursday, May 19, 2005

the kensington hillbillies

so, i kind of want to go see the kensington hillbillies sometime.

i started looking for information on them after meeting a band member at a bar and thinking he was pretty cool, then looking on the interweb after i got home to see if i could find an email address.

i found lots of reviews, and finally their website. it sounds like music i would really enjoy going to see live, but maybe not enjoy listening to a cd of them...

anyway, if anyone happens to notice a poster or anything up of an upcoming gig please let me know. and then i'll tell you if i liked them or not, 'cause no doubt you're all dying to know...

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

two down, lots to go...

okay, remember my big long post a long time ago about the people i was trying to contact again?

well, on that list were caroline o'reilly and rhett titus.

i ran into caroline a little while ago and we went out for a wonderful dinner and have started emailing and will hang out again soon no doubt.

and tonight i got an email from rhett, who i can only assume found my blog or was directed to my blog entry where i say i'm looking for him. ahh, the power of the interweb.

anyway, see, you just have to expect it and apparently it will happen.

now, for my next trick i'd like to get in contact with claude giroux from north bay, and jake branch formerly of guelph and currently of who the hell knows where (although i think he's a pilot now...)

mix and match

i was on the bus the other day and sat next to someone i went to high school with, who actually used to live across the street from my friend of lo these many many many years (25 this year in fact...) - this of course is a thinly veiled blantant descriptor of who it is for said friend...

anyway, she sat next to me on the bus. explained that she had joined a church so she could sing in the chior (even though she's pagan). she told me it wasn't actually a bad place, she liked the people. she said she just couldn't stand the dog-man of the chuch.

i guess this church is the religious equivalent of dr. moreau's island. i wonder if they have the gerbil-kid and the budgie-woman too.

i also wonder what she thinks of the dogma of the church. and how all these strange hybrid animals fit into that...

Monday, May 16, 2005

The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown

so, to follow up on my first post of the day, which was kind of interrupted by my 'dickey's big news' post, i said i would write more about books, so here i am.

this time i'm talking about the last book i read, one that has gotten a lot of hype, and much like the much hyped harry potter books, was a fun read, but not much more than that.

that's right, i'm talking about the da vinci code by dan brown.

here's the thing... i enjoyed the book, i really did. it was beach trash, it was an easy read and super digestable. and it was full of fun interesting ideas. it was just a schlocky mystery, but it was great.

the characters were cardboard. the plot was thin. the writing stilted.

but still, it was a good book. it was a page turner. it was something i didn't want to have to stop reading. it was a book that kept me up until the middle of the night because i wanted to find out the next piece of the puzzle.

it also presented me with a bunch of pretty interesting ideas. i am facinated by the idea of the divine feminine and the idea of some massive conspiracy by the church to hide it. who knows if it's true or not, it was just interesting to think about. and i love the idea of symbolism, hidden symbols in art and achitecture.

so, what i'm saying is, if you can get past the writing and just think of it as beach trash with some interesting ideas behind it, then i highly reccomend reading it.

BIG NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay, for those of you who know dickey, go now to his site and read about his big news. it's big and exciting and i really want to tell you what it is, but you should really hear it from him. so go read it right now!

let's talk about books baby, let's talk about you and me...

you may find yourself asking why i have turned the salt n' peppa song 'let's talk about sex' into 'let's talk about books'. like so many of life's mysteries, i have no answer, well, i do, it's "i dunno, just 'cause" which is generally considered an unsatisfactory answer, but unfortunately is so often the most accurate.

this may be especially confusing for those of you who know me well, since, although i have a deep and profound (wait, doesn't profound just mean deep...) love of books, certainly my love of sex is more present, if not deeper and profounder (i know it would be more profound, but i like the sound of silly words, like, say, profounder). indeed, every conversation i have generally finds its way back to sex and/or human sexuality eventually. it is my way. so really, "let's talk about sex" should be my anthem. but today the song is running through my head as "let's talk about books". so, i will do just that...

this post will focus on favourite books.

i have a favourite series and a favourite book.

favourite book:
  • memoirs of a geisha by arthur golden (knotty, your comment on the last post is what inspired this whole post...)
i loved this book so much that i couldn't read another for months afterwards, i didn't want to lose the 'aftertaste'. honestly, i couldn't even tell you what it was i loved so much. the characters were facinating, the story enthralling, the writing beautiful, but accessible. just overall an excellent book. the problem with falling in love with someone's first book is that you may never get to read another by that author.

favourite series:
  • his dark materials (the golden compass [or 'northern lights' if you're in the UK], the subtle knife, the amber spyglass) by phillip pullman
god i love this man's writing. brilliant, bloody brilliant. i started reading this before the whole harry potter craze, and i have to say, when the harry potter craze started i couldn't for the life of me figure out why people were praising those books, especially when there were amazing ones like the 'his dark materials' series to sink your teeth into instead. don't get me wrong, i don't have a problem with the harry potter series, i mean, first off, anything that gets kids excited about reading is good in my books, and second, it's fomulaic pulp, but there is nothing wrong with that, it's still fun. it's just not amazing, and people were acting like it was. his dark materials, it is amazing. at the risk of being beaten up by some of my friends, i enjoyed it more than the narnia series. i'm telling you, bloody brilliant books. i cannot stress this enough, go, read the books, they're amazing. and aparently they are making a movie out of them, so go, read them quickly before they are ruined by the movie!

okay, so i'll stop this post here, but i likely will be back, talking about books more, perhaps even today...

do you favourite books? do you have a reason why, or is it just 'cause?

Friday, May 13, 2005

it's all falling into place...

so, found out last night that we got the two bedroom house in cabbage town (or regent park, just for brendan's benefit - it's kind of on the border of the two, but on the cabbage town side), which is very exciting, i was worried for a bit that we weren't going to get it, renting an apartment is a complex business apparently...

now, let's recap...
- meg: new (well, newish) job that she adores. job where this week she got a performance review that was so glowing she wanted to cry...
- john: finally finished his BA, new job that hasn't started yet but he's excited about
- john and meg: just secured the rental of a kick ass space, the aforementioned two bedroom house in cabbage town.
- what's left: we just need someone to buy our house. come on people, buy our house, buy it, it's awesome, you'll love it, come buy it!

so, one more piece left to fall in place, but other than that, man, life is pretty damn good. yay for life! (apparently spring is a wonderful mood enhancer for me too... *grin*)

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

good god!

okay, all i can say is am i ever glad that i don't have to go into work at OMAF tomorrow. i haven't worked there since january. today the ontario budget came down and this is what panned out.

Belt-tightening: In the year ahead, 15 provincial ministries will see their spending cut, frozen or increased at a rate lower than inflation. Among the biggest losers are Agriculture ($169 million or 23 per cent), Municipal Affairs and Housing ($88 million or 11 per cent) and Tourism ($21 million or 11 per cent). The biggest percentage cut was to Intergovernmental Affairs, whose budget drops from $13 million to $8 million in the year ahead.
who knows how it will pan out in the long run, but in the short term it will mean lots of panic among omaf staff tomorrow. so, yeah, very greatful that i don't have to be there amongst the panic.

making the most of your commute...

there are many different ways to pass the time when riding the bus from one city to the next.

many people read.

many others sleep.

some knit.

some work on laptops.

some write.

and some apparently finger their girlfriends...

it was a really funny bus ride home tonight. first of all, it was LOOOONG. we left the depot at 6pm (bay and dundas), i promptly fell asleep. i woke up, looked around and noticed that we had just gotten to the windmill at the ex, i then looked at my cell phone for the time, it was 6pm. it had taken us an hour to get to the ex (sorry to all those who don't know toronto here, but that should be more like a 20min drive).

so, as i lay there, contemplating going back to sleep, i happened to look at the kids (i say kids, in reality they were probably 20ish) sitting next to me. the guy (sexy in a jail bait kind of way) was adjusting his jacket over his lap, but it appeared to be more difficult than it should be. the jacket slipped up and i noticed that actually he was pulling out his raging hard-on. just out of his jeans, i didn't get to see actual cock skin, but i did see his erection straining against his underwear.

his girlfriend then started adjusting herself. at this point i was totally mesmorized. i couldn't look away. i couldn't see their faces, just their bodies, and i just stared. i stared as it became evident that his hand was slipping down her pants. this would seem to be a feat in itself because when she got up to get off the bus i looked at her pants (of course...) and they were tight looking jeans with a big belt. not what my old friend skinney d would call 'easy access' clothing (he used to encourage me to wear 'easy access' clothing, ahhh, high school, so fun...).

i could only see snippets of what was going on, because although i wanted to sit up and get a good look at their faces while all this was going on, to see if they betrayed what was happening down below, there were two things stopping me. first, i wasn't brave enough. and second, i didn't want it to stop. i was completely fascinatedby the whole thing.

i could see his leg. i could see her hand on his leg. i could see his arm moving. i could see the coat covering them moving. i could see his rythm change and her hand clench tighter on his thigh. i could see him move his shoulder forward to get better access. i could see the hand clench again.

it went on like this for quite some time. snippets. parcels of body. hints of what was going on.

through this whole thing they were both very very silent. not a peep. not a word. not a giggle.

after the most prolonged hand clenching by this young woman he pulled his arm out from under the jacket. they cuddled, held each other close. they started to whisper. they started to giggle. a mischevious act accomplished, their naughty deeds gone unnoticed (well, as far as they knew).

and then the best thing about the whole performance, i heard him say 'wait, i know what i could use' then start digging around in his coat pockets. i thought for a brief stunned moment that maybe he was looking for a condom and they were going to try to descretely fuck in the bus. but no, he found what he was looking for. it looked vaguely like a condom at first glance actually. but no, it was a moist towelette. he pulled out a 'wet nap' and started wiping off his hand. his girlfriend was giggling uproariously, and it was taking every ounce of my being to not join in.

so that my friends is how to make the most of your commute...

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

what's a girl to do?

i have nothing to write about. i have no time to think, let alone think of interesting things. i want to entertain you. i want to regail you with stories of my devious exploits. i want to make you smile.

unfortunately, with no life material for such endevors is damn near non-existant.

all around me people are doing interesting things; paddy's training for a marathon, kate is going to miami, dickey is going to cancun, and so on.

i mean, i'm selling my house, looking for an apartment, moving to a new city. i know these are all big exciting things. but it would appear i have grown weary of the big exciting things. i'm exhausted. and i'm boring. boring is MUCH worse than exhaused.

okay, i'm going to go be boring somewhere else now...

Monday, May 09, 2005


john got the job! he is going to be working for the ontario public service in their 'internship' program, which is a post-grad management training type thing, www.internship.gov.on.ca

he starts end of june.

we'll be a real live dual income family! we'll be dinks! yay for dinks!


what i feel i should mention that the internship website does not... the internship recieves 5000 applications, interviews 500 people, and then offers 150 jobs.

also, i went through the internship in its second year (5000 apps, 500 interviews, 100 job offers, my how little things change...) and it was a FABULOUS program and experience and an excellent launch of an OPS career. i am so very very very happy for john not only because he gets to have this career kick-start, but also because, well, they tend to hire the best of the best, and they hired him, which means he was able to show them what he's really about and what he has to offer. that's not always easy. so, i'm proud of him. and i love him very much. and i can't think of a better 11th anniversary present (it was our 11th anniversary on saturday, 10th of living together).

Sunday, May 08, 2005

music makes the world go 'round...

since i don't have anything particularily exciting to tell you about my life right now, i will share with you what is exciting me right now...

i got two new cds yesterday (i so rarely get new music, this is a big event for me...).

they are:

Buddy Holly - From The Original Master Tapes

Jeremy Fisher - let it shine

yay for new cds!

Thursday, May 05, 2005


okay, finding this (not safe for work link) almost makes up for the dead mouse...

presents you don't want...

okay, so one of the lesser joys of having cats is that they like to bring you 'presents'.

which is, well, you know, sweet in it's way. but no so sweet when you discover said 'present' by stepping on it in the kitchen, and the 'present' turns out to be a dead mouse.

role reversal

so, last night john and i had a fun little role reversal thing happen...

we went to see an apartment (in fact, it's a little semi, so more a house than an aparment) last night. the house is owned by a lovely man and his partner, who i assume is also a lovely man, but i have never talked to him. the current tenants are a lesbian couple (who make the best smelling stew in the world, which was a special kind of torture at the 6:30 viewing last night...). i get the strong sense that the owners surround themselves with folks from the queer community generally.

so, where am i going with this?

well, the woman who was showing us around at one point and said "so, you guys are... roomates?" in a kind of confused voice that really felt like she wasn't sure why a man and a woman would be living together. when i said no, this is my partner she looked a little taken aback and said 'oh, okay then, i guess you'd be using the other room as an office' or something to that effect.

john and i talked about it a lot on the way home. this reversal of stereotypical assumptions. it was facinating. personally i found it hilarious. we were making jokes on the way home about "wait, you're a couple? men and women do that? oh god, does that mean you have sex, oh, no, don't even tell me, i don't want to have to think about it. well, i guess as long as you keep the hand holding and hugging and *shudder* kissing behind closed doors it's okay." part of why i found it so funny though is because if two people came to look at our house, a man and a woman, two women, two men, assuming they were in their late 20's or older (the point at which many people get out of the roommate game), my first reaction would probably be to assume they were a couple.

anyway, she was lovely, we obviously weren't offended in anyway, just amused. the house was lovely and we're negotiating on price right now to see if it's a possiblility, which i really hope it is, if for no other reason than i'm really enjoying talking to the owner, i get good vibes from him, i would be happy to have him as a landlord.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

healthy food question

do you think brocoli retains any healthful value whatsoever if when served it comes to you limp and a bit yellowish?

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

i feel giddy, oh so giddy, i feel giddy and witty and gay!

so, i don't know if it's just the large cup of coffee i started my day with or what, but i'm feeling very giddy.

i think part of it is that our house seems to actually have interest again, in fact, we're having two showings today.

the other part is i've once again found where i want to live in toronto. this time it is a house. a 2 bdrm semi in cabbage town (sort of). it would be walking distance to work and to cameron (this is important to me). it would also be walking distance to many fun pubs (also important to me). it would be our own space, with it's own little backyard. we look at it tomorrow evening. my fingers are crossed.

so, yeah, giddy.

Monday, May 02, 2005

by popular request

okay, i will take a pic of my hair, but just so you know, it's not like it was a drastic major change...

i'm in the process of growing my hair out, into a 'wedge', that thing where your hair is short in the back then swoops down diagonally along your jawline.

so, i guess i should go dig out the digital camera. oh, maybe i'll post a colour version of one of the pics trina took for my headshots so you can see the difference, 'cause really, the difference is in the colour. although that was with fancy lights and stuff, so probably the colour won't be comparable, but what the hell...

so, this is the colour version that the actual headshot ended up being taken from:

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and here are a few more from that shoot, oh, and these pics are just as is, i'm too lazy to crop (well, they really don't need to be cropped) or to re-touch, but these are too small to see my moustache anyway. ;)

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Image hosted by Photobucket.com

okay, so those will give you an idea of my pre-haircut, now i'll go take a picture of my new hair now and post it on here in an updated post...


the new hair pics are now available...

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Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Sunday, May 01, 2005

now fringe free!

so, i won't be taking part in the fringe this year (well, other than being a spectator). got this in my email today:


Dear Auditioner:

Thanks you all for auditioning for serviced. We have had an exceptionally difficult time trying to decide which of you to choose as so many of you were excellent. So it is with much sadness that I have to inform you that we've decided to go with somebody else. We will keep your resume, in case any of those we've chosen can't make the show however. Thanks again for your efforts.


T. Berto

fuck. fuck fuck fuck. holy fuck. oh my fuck. fuck fuck fuck.

okay, so this horrible demonstration of how racism is alive and well (an article in the globe describes it) comes to us via dalai's blog.

really. read it. it's important. this is something going on in some quebec farm.

come on people. segregation in canada in the 21st century? fuck. fuck fuck fuck.

*sigh* i always thought canada's racism was a bit more subversive than this...

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