sunday bloody sunday

i've managed to literally not step out of the apartment all weekend.

i'm vaguely considering going out and wandering a little bit this evening, but at the same time, i don't know, i'm in a strange space i guess.

what i really want to do is find some live music i think. ideally some blues. i could really go for some blues right now.

in reality i will stay home and read.

part of me doesn't want to go out because i don't want to sit in a bar alone. i think of the woman who was a hair of the dog, i think of the commentary on solitude it evoked in a friend, i think of how 'on display' she was. i don't want to be on display. i need emotional camouflage, i want to blend in, i want to observe without being observed.

cameron is making curry for dinner and it smells delicious, but it also smells like a curry my mum used to make quite often, it is making me pine for the past, pine for time with her. smells, do bloody powerful. always evoking emotion. always sparking memories.

*********UPDATE************

i went out. it was lovely. met my friend bri for a pint at hair of the dog, which is my favourite bar in the world. life is good.