as we were driving back from the country today I was staring out the window at the moon.
There was something about the way the moon and the clouds looked that made me kind of remember something, sort of.
What it made me remember was a feeling, but I couldn't recapture the feeling completely, I just kind of remember having it. It's a bit like the feeling when you have a word at the tip of your tongue and just can't get it to a part of your brain you can access. Like you can see it through a window, but the window is a bit opaque, maybe it's got some condensation, so the shape is familiar, but you can't make out the details.
It's a memory from my teenage years, I'm sure of it. I'm also pretty sure that it has a lot to do with Dalia (who no longer maintains a blog, but apparently I'm going to continue to use his blog name...). Except it isn't one event, it's just kind of how I felt when we hung out.
We spent a lot of time staying up all night. Sometimes we'd walk his dog, so the relation to the moon has to do with that I think. In the backyard of some church, laying on the grass, staring at the moon.
But it's intermingled with other things, like hanging out in his basement with Brian. Brian and I reading different things, but cuddling while we did so (no, not dating, just really cuddly friends, all of us), and Dalia at his computer doing something or other. None of us talking to each other, just enjoying being in each others company while we did our own things.
I have to say, the feeling I got when I hung out with Dalia, often Brian, and a variety of other people who came and went, well, it was some of my favourite times of my life. Which is interesting, because it was during a time when I really wasn't particularly happy in my life.
Anyway, staring at the moon tonight reminded me of those feelings. Not clearly enough to recapture them, but clearly enough to remember that I really liked feeling that way.