Pressure

hmmm.

i'm finding it facinating that people are actually here already. i've been up and running for mere moments. i have to admit i worked on the assumption that no one would find my blog and i wouldn't have to worry about being articulate or coherent or original or any of that.

suddenly i feel pressure to do so. apparently not pressure to use capital letters, but pressure to perform nonetheless.

the trouble is, what do i talk about? what witty and interesting things should i be sharing with people?

i just find it interesting that this has suddenly gone from something that i was treating basically as a journal into something where i feel like maybe i should do things that would be interesting and pleasing to those who read it.

one quick glimps into why this might be... my degree is in theatre. being 'on' and performing, it's just part of what i do. i've been trained to do it. my current job has nothing to do with theatre, but still, it does involve a lot of session facilitation, teaching, stuff like that. it's all performance of one kind or another.

so does this all stem from a need to please?

i have a need to please so i went into theatre where my whole role is to please the audience, i went into other areas where i was on display (teaching courses, public speaking etc) where again my role was to please, and now, i am blogging, where suddenly i am perceiving my role as a pleasing one...

hmmmm. very interesting. it's a twisted little maze up in my psyche...