isn't that a fish!?!

i'm floundering.

i don't know what's going on.

probably part of it is pms. part of it is that i'm sleepy. part of it is the dreary grey day. part of it is just the general underlying stress that seems to be so much a part of my life these days.

whatever it is, it sucks.

i can't seem to work, i'm having one of those counting the minutes until i can leave days. there are a lot of minutes left. although i'm thinking of leaving at 4 today.

i'm having one of those days where i can't seem to do any work. instead i spend an hour staring at a page and not absorbing anything. all of this despite the fact that i'm loving my work right now and have some cool projects on the go.

my motivation is non-existant right now. shit. maybe i am depressed. i'm certainly falling into the don't want to bother getting out of bed category. damn i hate winter. hate it hate it hate it.

oh, wait. right. pms. i have to keep reminding myself that pms comes with getting my period (which i have right now, because this kind of day would not be complete without bleeding and aching and the occasional intense pain) okay, so i won't make any assumptions about being depressed while i have my period. when i was on the pill i used to basically get brutally depressed one week a month. that seems to have disipated a bit since i've been off, but you know, there are always blips.

having said all that, i'm excited by the apartments i'm finding online in my toronto apartment search. i also found a house i really really want to buy. i need to stop looking at houses until we're in any kind of position to buy one....

oh, and here's an exciting thing, i might need to find some more art! we need to art up the office and the bedroom. that's sooo exciting for me. i'm actually thinking though that since we have no money what i might end up doing is just framing some of our own photographs, which, you know, is cool, but it's been sooooo long since i've bought some new art because the walls were so covered with original art already. art other people make is WAY more exciting than art i make.

okay, see, that cheered me up a bit, maybe i need to give myself an art project...