disillusionment

I am in search of a permanent job.

I have a job, but it is contract. That means no drug benefits, no heath benefits, no dental or vision benefits, less time off, less sick days (which will become important when I go for my surgery someday…), and more important than that it means that every so often I have to wonder where I’ll be at the end of my contract. I have to figure out if they’ll be able to extend me, and if they can’t I have to hustle to find somewhere else to go.

I am not worried that I will be without a job; I have enough contacts and enough of a reputation that it won’t be an issue. But the uncertainty of it all is exhausting.

I know that I’m lucky to have a job, a good job, work with good people, make good money, do interesting work. I do know that. I know that there are many who are not so lucky. But it’s been 5 years now, I’m ready for some stability; hence my search for the permanent job.

But here’s the trick. In my organization about 90% of the jobs that get posted permanently have incumbents. Chances are if someone’s been doing the job for a year or two they’re going to get the position, and they bloody well deserve to. Of course the thing that kills me is the fact that in order to comply with union rules they have to hold the 'competition' in the first place.

It's making it very difficult for me to get excited about any interview (like the one I have tomorrow for instance) because there is so little chance of me getting the position. There is a definite case of apathy setting in here.

Bleh. Bleh bleh bleh. Did I mention bleh?