Wednesday, February 02, 2005

and now for a whiny (but not guelph specific) post...

okay, today isn't the best day.

i'm feeling a bit like, i don't know, a bit like when i was at summer camp, or a bit like when i was in quebec on an exchange. i desperately want to go home. i don't feel at home here.

i don't know how much of that is that fact that everything is new (ministry, job, city, blah blah blah) and how much of it is that i actually want to be at home.

i miss john (and the cats) desperately. i miss my bed. i miss feeling at home.

cameron is wonderful and hasn't done anything at all to make me feel like this, but no matter what, i seem to feel like i'm staying at cameron's place, as opposed to it being home, it's not cameron and meg's place, it's cameron's place. and he's a wonderful host and very gracious and i can't thank him enough for taking me in, but right this second, right this second i want to feel at home.

i know it's the first week. i know i promised not to judge anything based on the first couple weeks because they can be so misleading. i know all that intellectually, logically. but the problem is it's not how it's feeling. it's feeling scary and alone and strange.

i need to find a way to assimilate the fact that i pay rent at cameron's place, and yes, he's doing me a huge favour, but that doesn't mean that it's not my space at all. during the week it is *our* space. i'm not entirely sure how to assimilate that though. oh well. we'll see what happens.

i actually considered hoping on a bus tonight and heading home for the night, but i think maybe i should stick it out for the week and just show myself i can do it. always keeping in mind of course that heading home is always an option.

maybe i'll call john and see if he would be at all interested in heading out here and hanging out with me for a bit.

Blogarama - The Blog Directory Listed on Blogwise Who Links Here