Thursday, September 20, 2007


I feel like I should be writing something, but I haven't the faintest clue what.

So, what does one do in this situation?

Well, crib from the interweb of course. This is from an email I recieved 800 million years ago...

1. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and becamea famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted tomuch. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

2. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, itsank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

3. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the barand announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

4. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying three dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "Sorry, gentlemen, only two carrions allowed perpassenger."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the managercame out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain, and they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes that she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a smallflorist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, arival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathersto close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. Theyignored him, so the rival florist hired Hugh Mac Taggert, the roughest and most viciousthug in town to pursue them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their storesaying he would be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, proving that,only Hugh can prevent Florist Friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, whichproduced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath, this made him what? Oh, man, this is so bad... A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was a person who sent ten different puns to friends,with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, No Pun In Ten Did.

Sorry folks, I was desperate...

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