Tuesday, February 22, 2005

feeling a bit guilty

okay, so today i did something on the bus that made me feel a bit guilty.

while i was walking to the bus i saw my friend (well, friend from a past life, probably more accurately an aquantance now) michael getting on the bus.

the bit i feel a little bit guilty about is that i hung back, waited for him to board the bus, then got on and pretended not to see him and found myself a seat alone.

now, the thing is, i actually really like michael a lot. he was one of my best friends in high school (yes kate and paddy, "mikey" michael) and for various and sundry reasons we grew apart, but i still really enjoy his company when i see him. in fact, in the last couple years i have been thinking about how i'd like to have him back in my life, i'd like him to be a friend again instead of just an aquaintence. but today i avoided him.

to be fair, i'm pretty sure he saw me too and also pretended not to see me, although i can't be sure of that.

the thing is, i've come to really like the solitude of the bus. the hour and a half i have to myself to ruminate on the day and to nap and just mellow and not worry about being accountable to anyone else. i was loathed to give that up, so, well, i didn't.

but still, i ignored a person who i want to bring back into my life.

i don't know, it just seems a little weird.

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