made it through another day of depression

Well, today I went to the therapy appointment. It was, I don't know, it just kind of was. Very gentle, not a lot of intense self-discovery, just that first 'get to know you' appointment. One thing she suggested, that I've actually been thinking about for a while, is that maybe I should see about working with a psychiatrist who is a specialist in these kinds of things and can monitor my meds on an ongoing basis, as well as provide some therapy.

So, we're going to work on that a bit.

Today was a strange day. It was intense. A lot of crying. I was out in public for about three hours, three hours where I had to pretend I was okay. It took a hell of a lot of energy, and apparently my body made up for it with three hours of straight crying when I got home.

It looks like the people at work are going to be very supportive and it was the right decision to go the full disclosure route. Still kind of scary, still feeling a bit exposed, but it really is for the best.

I decided that after today's experience of being in public only a short period of time, and then being a mess that I'm really not ready to go back to work. So I have told them I won't be back this week. I'm going to see about next week.

I actually made another doctor's appointment today. I don't know what it will accomplish, but she said if I was feeling like maybe things were getting worse I should make an appointment. Today they felt like maybe they were getting worse. It does mean I can work on the psychiatrist search/referral thing, and get a doctor's note for being away, and talk about next week.

Anyway, it was kind of a relief somehow. I think part of it is breaking it into chunks. I just need to get to Wednesday then I have a doctor's appointment. then I just have to get to Monday, I have a therapy appointment. Then I just have to get to Thursday I have a doctor's appointment. Lots of little milestones over the next couple weeks.

baby steps and all that.