And Monday I have a therapy appointment...

Okay, things are ticking along.

I may still randomly cry. I may still feel anxiety when I really shouldn't. But last night I slept. And today I made myself call my work's 'Employee Assistance Program' and I have a therapy appointment set for Monday morning.

And I emailed my work to say I wouldn't be in on Monday. I just don't know what first appointment is going to bring up, so I'm not pushing it.

And so, progress, actual tangible progress, is being made already.

If I had the capacity to feel proud of myself right now (instead of the 'i'm a fuckup' mantra) then I'm pretty sure I would, because as debilitated by the depression as I feel right now, I'm still finding a way to force myself to do something other than sit in the corner and cry (which is what apparently I'd prefer to be doing).

So, you know, yay me. (hmmm. interesting. typing the words 'yay me' just made me cry. depression would be totally fascinating if it didn't suck so much)