wishing the day away

so, since i found out my mum is coming in august, well, august can't get here fast enough.

i noticed this weekend that i was willing time to pass as quickly as possible.

i wish it were august 15 today.

then i realised, this is a horrible way to live my life. i can't live my life hoping that it passes me by, living for a moment a couple months away. that's a hell of a lot of time to wish away...

there is an additional challenge right now, john is working on the freelance project from hell, one of those projects that you estimate will take 4 weeks, and in the end it takes more like 24 weeks. i haven't been able to hang out with my partner in what feels like decades. and, as we have previously established i don't so much like doing things alone. so i'm not doing anything. not to dis my friends, i enjoy them, and i do sometimes spend time with them, but, well, it's hard to explain, but it's not that i want to do something specific and am looking for non-specific company, it's that i want to do something non-specific and am looking for specific company (i.e. john).

these two things have conspired together to create someone who does SFA with their weekend. seriously, i did my volunteer shift at pride on saturday and then came home, and sunday i went grocery shopping. the rest of the time i basically read, watched movies and napped, which i suppose sounds appealing in it's own right, but it depends on the motivation i think. i was most definitely killing time.

so then that begs the question, why can't i kill time by sorting through the closet and doing a big clothing cull. or going through the office and de-cluttering. or cleaning up the laundry room. or or or... basically, why can't the time killing be productive?

plus, not wanted on the voyage is possibly not the most uplifting book i could be reading right now.

wow. this post is full of bitching and whining, moaning and chewing, and, um, other negative stuff... it wasn't my intent, sorry about that.

i think i'm going to make a list (i'm a list kind of person) of the stuff i want to do this summer, including the organization crap, and try and make a commitment to do at least one of those things per weekend. at least then i'll feel productive...