put on a happy face

okay, it's time for me to expose myself to you, i haven't done that in a while have i?

so, here it goes...

i'm not in a great space right now.

i'm also not in a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad space, and i have no immediate plans of moving to australia...

but certainly not a good one.

at the risk of sounding like a broken record though, i'm having a hell of a time with this move.

i need to get my ass in gear and get the house to a space i like, then, who knows, maybe i'd spend more time there. but right now the art isn't up, there's stuff in the dining room that has to go to goodwil, there's stuff that isn't put away because it doesn't have a place to go yet because we just have too much stuff for the space. we need to do a cull. that would be *another* cull. we need to clear the crap out and keep the essencials.

right now though, right now i feel like i don't have a home. i have a house. i have a roof over my head. i have food to eat. but i don't have a home. i need to build that home, but so far i haven't. the very odd thing is that usually i'm very good at building a home for myself no matter where i am. but this time, well, i don't know. i don't know what is different this time, but something is.

maybe part of what is different is that i'm in a different city. i miss guelph. i miss the easy access to friends. i miss the easy access to shops. i miss the easy access to my brother and my father. i miss familiarity of it all, i miss being able to in a heartbeat know where i need to go for something and how to get there. i miss the old house. i miss the old house a lot actually.

i'm in an in between space right now.

a space where i have left all those things behind and have not yet built them up here. and of course, there are some that will never come here, because it is a different type of space. no more hopping in the car and darting down the street to pick something up. it now takes planning and transit… but, in exchange, i get to live somewhere that i can go to the theatre easily, i can volunteer at the theatre, i can go to an art gallary on a whim in an afternoon, i can decide i'm bored and go to the ROM for a couple hours.

now i just need to actually start doing some of those wonderful things so that i remind myself of what i have here.

i guess what i'm saying is, things will sort themselves out, just maybe not right away. time and patience, time and patience...

i dunno, just tired and whiney right now. i want a magic wand so that i can wave it and make everything better.